Friday, October 28, 2005

The Dream, The Insight

The Dream

The sunlight filtered through the sheer white curtains, rebounded off the light blue walls, and melted into the white carpet. I was warmly snuggled under a dark blue comforter that was speckled with pink and white flowers. I pushed it away from my face as I sat up. I was in a brand new house, and I already felt at home.

I got out of bed, and suddenly found myself in the living room with my daughter. I couldn’t see past to the kitchen, but I found the place to be cozy and safe. I sat on one of the two little couches. They were covered in forest green fabric that was speckled with pink and yellow flowers. They were soft and puffy, the kind you can fall into forever. But, the room was a little cramped for the two couches, so I turned them into reclining chairs. I wasn’t sure if that was the right change, so I walked back into my room.

It was time to get ready for work, but I wanted to make my bed first. I pulled back the comforter, and found leaves and twigs under it. I had no idea how they got in my bed! They poked and stung my hands as I swept an unending supply of them off onto the brand new carpet. My attention was pulled to the right. There, on the stone tiles leading to the closet, I saw a puddle of red liquid. My mind became so completely preoccupied by that unexpected mess that I immediately stopped brushing away leaves and twigs, and mopped the liquid up.

While cleaning the mess, my eyes wandered to my empty walk-in closet. The door was ajar, hiding the closet's full expanse. I wondered if it was big enough and dark enough for a dark room. It would be so nice to develop my pictures myself. I went in and it was large enough, so I closed the door to check for darkness.

I pushed the door shut, and a bright light suddenly appeared from the ceiling. I reached for a switch, but it didn’t work. I saw a button on the light fixture and pushed it, shutting off the light. As I did that a dozen more suddenly appeared to take it’s place. I was irritated because I knew I couldn’t shut them all off. Then I walked to the edge of the closet and it magically opened up into a security room. There was a two-way mirror looking out onto the lawn. I remember thinking that the kitchen should be there. I started to turn around and suddenly a phone that I could call the police on came into view.

I realized that this was all wrong. It was supposed to be a closet that I could put a dark room in. And it was. So I walked to the darkest part visualizing how everything would look. A hole suddenly appeared in the wall. So I went through it to avoid being caught by the police-army that was chasing me.

I found myself in an empty, but complete other house attached to my house. “Wow! I can hide comfortably in here!” I thought. But how could I possibly keep whole house hidden a like this? I couldn’t, so I turned it into a small dark hallway. My son and daughter were hiding in there with me. My son kept rocking back and forth in fear, and I was really upset because I just knew they would find us because of it.

Then I remembered I was just checking out the closet to see if I could put a dark room in it. So I was.

A tall handsome man came over to see me. He really like me and I really liked him. He was very tall and handsome. As we were sitting on the couch that was suddenly in my very messy room, I realized that he was so young, and wanted to have children of his own, which made me sad because I don’t want to have any more children.

Luckily I woke up in time to get to work this morning. Sounds like a strange dream, but it does remind me of my life. I make a conscious effort to stay on track with my spirituality, but life always manages to take me off on tangents. I will realize this and get back on track. Then off, then on. But it is fun to think that I can actually get back on track just by remembering what that is. After all, life may be nothing more than an interesting illusion.

The insight

And God thought to himself, “How can I create something out of nothing?” With a simple thought a spring of souls appeared. “The Big Bang” is what the scientists call it. And everything appeared. God’s illusion made real. Energy of thought becoming matter. Matter making up our reality. All that is creating experiences - all that is experiencing creation. All that from a 17 year old autistic boy.

The universe is an infinite canvas filled with amazing art. But what is Art really? In this existence, we try to teach our hands and senses to recreate what our souls know. It is the ultimate expression of our oneness. Is there a limit of what we can call art? Is it right to take credit for the trees?

Some people take original matter and call it their creation. I agree that the birth of a baby is art. We are all one, we are all that is. If you invite spectators to the birth of a baby, do you become the creating artist? Are you truly recreating what your soul knows? What is art? Is it urine? Is it the digestive system of a cow? Is it ok to show that as art to spectators for shock value, or should these artists be making sure that the point is that everything is art?

I think that I am caught in the individual/one bewilderment that so many people feel. It is one thing to know that we are all one. It is confusing to live an existence where individuality is the lesson, free will a test question. We are individual notes that make up the symphony that is the universe. One perfect note, incomplete without the symphony, the perfect symphony incomplete without the note.

As one note I am responsible to provide my part. It would be a cop-out to claim to be responsible for the tree’s part, or the urine’s part....but I will be accountable for mine.

I feel like I’m just on the edge of knowing something profound. I’ve been here before and will undoubtedly be here again. Someday I’ll know. I can wait. There's a lot of life left in me yet!


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