Sunday, October 16, 2005

Unavailable and Uninterested, What Woman Can Resist That?

I have never seen the show, and probably never will. But the preview will stay with me. It IS me! I can’t honestly understand it. I still feel the need to prove my worth, and if he doesn’t force me to, I’m not interested. I know I have great worth. Granted, I’ve only known it for 11 years, but still, I do know it. I guess some habits just die hard.

Over the past decade I have come to appreciate some really intense men who are married. They are so safe, nothing CAN happen! If they are the straying type, they aren’t my type. As a matter of fact, part of what makes these men so intriguing is their commitment to their wives. Without that, they’re nothing.

But Mike isn’t married, he’s my son’s counselor. Ok, well not a lot of difference there. We think a lot alike, the unconditional love, the unconditional acceptance, an unwillingness to judge. He is the right age, has all the kids of his own that he wants and is quite handsome. And he’s never given me a reason in the world to think he is interested. As a matter of fact, he really works at not telling me any more about himself than what any stranger is welcomed to know.

So there it is, I have to prove my worth to someone who practices and believes in unconditional acceptance. I don’t know what to think. Maybe I’m hopeless. Or maybe something else waits around the bend. Only the future will tell.

Well I guess this will have to be part one of this blog. My daughter is here now, and she has an essay she needs to write for a grade. I just do this for fun you know.
Anyway, any advice? God? Any?


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