Tuesday, February 06, 2007

In the Crapper

What can I say? I didn’t get to post last night because there wasn’t a signal to be found at my friend’s house. I stayed there last night, as I have been doing on Mondays so I don’t have to drive all the way back home, get 5 hours of sleep and drive right back. It saves me $17 in gas too! But the stay isn’t free. I was up until almost 11:00 trying to talk her off her ledge.

She’s all depressed because she thinks her marriage is in the crapper, and that she failed miserably as a mother, and that she has no worth, and that she’s ugly. I doubt that any of those things are actually true. I think that she is in a place where she isn’t fulfilling her contract with the universe. She is not living authentically and is depressed because of it. I have encouraged her to seek medical attention, it worked for me. But of course, she’s just not crazy like I was.

So, she’ll continue down this path of pain until she has actually put her whole life in the crapper. I hate so see her do it, but she just won’t hear me. I love her and I hate to see her like this. I wish she would listen. She needs an intervention, but I’m still a few years away from pulling that off, right?

We went over the stats test, and I cheated me out of an A. Forgetting 2 titles (why I can see a missing title on other graphs, but not my own is a mystery), changing a 3 point answer from the right answer to the wrong answer just before turning in the test, and not trusting my own gut cost me another 6 points. There were a couple of questions that I missed legitimately because I didn’t get what she was after. I got 87% instead of a 99% which is inexcusable. I need to trust my gut more and pay attention to the details. Dang! Luckily, I still have a 90% in the class. This is not a hard class, and I need to quit trying to make it so.

The psych department is currently recruiting new teachers. Today we had our second guest teacher. I didn’t like her. In her opening she outed herself when she discussed her reaction to seeing a person she believed may have had schizophrenia as one of fear and cowardice, and ended her talk by preaching to us that people who have schizophrenia are not schizophrenics any more than people who have cancer are cancerics. I agree with that notion. I don’t agree with exiting a bus two stops early because of my own prejudice against people who behave differently in public. (The person she described could just as easily been a person with autism.) She’s lucky I don’t do the hiring.

The sexual abuse class on Monday nights seems to be going absolutely nowhere. He keeps giving us information about depression, anger, schizophrenia and antisocial personality disorder, but so far has done nothing to tie them into the sexual abuse of people. Maybe just a little patience is all that is needed. I hope so, I have some left.

So how is all of that for being critical and negative? I want my Megan. I always miss her so much after the Mon/Tue class trip. She’ll probably be by tomorrow. Tonight I am going to try to get the soc. psy. reading done so I won’t have any homework to do tomorrow. I guess I still have a little ab. psy. reading to do as well. But if she comes over tomorrow, I definitely want to “hang towels” with her. Everything will be all better then.

ps Microsoft Word really likes the word and. I already went back to change a couple of them, but I'm tired, so I'm sure I missed some.


  1. Well, sometimes it sure can get hard to see the good things about ourselves. I know I sure have trouble with it from time to time. Still, we make our own destiny. If I find myself in a place, whether mental, emotional or physical, that I don't like, it's up to me to get out of it. Even if that means asking for help.

    That is, after all, what you've done with your life, isn't it? I mean, every step of the way, from what you've posted, when you found yourself somewhere you didn't like, you found a way to change it. And done a damn good job of it, too, from what I can see.

  2. Thank you, what a really nice thing to say. It is true that we have to find our way. We're never in alone on this path, but we do have to walk to get anywhere.

    My friend will find her way too, whether she takes my help or not.