Monster

Have you ever seriously wanted to kill someone? I don't mean in the heat of the moment. I mean the cold calculating pre-meditated kind of killing. I do. I want to kill the boy who hurt my son. I have fantasized about it at length. I even planned how I would do it. The monster inside still lives, and is even more frightening than I ever knew.

I talked to a detective on June 26 who thought I was being a pain in the ass in denial mother. He was right. Not in the way he thought though.

He thought Zach was a willing participant in the consumption of the alcohol. It was easier to believe that. After all, boys will be boys. In a way, it made Zach seem kind of normal. It was a convenient, comforting sort of denial.

That denial was shattered on July 12. I got a call from that detective. One of the boys involved in the incident was incarcerated for stealing beer from Swenmart with TD. They stole the beer, damaged some property, TD hit someone who was trying to stop him, and there were some other charges. TD plead guilty to under-age in possession of alcohol, malicious destruction of property and possession of drug paraphernalia, all misdemeanors. The felonies were dropped. He had bonded out of jail, and his sentencing hearing will take place later this month.

JP, however did not bond out, and apparently has some kind of a conscience. He wanted to confess to what they had done to Zach.

JP came over that day to get Zach per TD's instructions. TD was waiting in the alley when JP came to the door and convinced Zach to go talk to TD. JP knew that the reason TD wanted Zach was to get money from him to buy marijuana with. I let Zach go, hind sight is 20/20.

When they got to TD's house, they offered Zach some of the vodka that TD's crank whore mother had purchased earlier with JP's money. Zach took one swallow and washed it down with the "grapefruit juice" TD offered him. They were filling 16oz tumblers 1/3 the way up with vodka, and filling them the rest of the way up with grapefruit juice. Zach didn't know there was vodka in the juice, and drank four glasses of the poison within ten minutes.

Zach wasn't feeling much of anything. They went into the backyard and Zach was rolling around in the grass. JP was already concerned with his strange behavior. TD and JV had Zach's wallet and went through it looking for his PIN. It wasn't there - Zach doesn't know the numbers of his pin, he just has a "finger memory". (He remembers the motions to key it in without know the numbers he is keying) They were asking him what his favorite four numbers were. They needed his PIN.

Zach was pretty out of it. As a matter of fact, he was not really even conscious. TD and JV had a knife and were threatening to cut Zach if he didn't tell them his PIN. Zach did not respond. JP was concerned that they had given Zach too much vodka, and that he was likely suffering alcohol poisoning. He said they should take him to the hospital, but TD's crank whore mother didn't want them to take him because she didn't want to get into trouble for buying the alcohol.

They decided to put him in the bathtub and shower him in cold water. He wasn't really conscious, but TD and JV were persistent. They wanted his PIN. They started burning him with lit cigarettes. He did not respond. Apparently, he actually became less responsive, because they all agreed that they had to get him out of there.

They all say that the were taking him to the hospital. I still question that.

They are charging TD and JV with three felonies and some other charges. Not stiff enough for me. They re-arrested him, and now he is in jail. This time he isn't bonding out. Zach is safe for now.

My plan is to contact agencies that advocate for people who have disabilities. I will not stand by and allow this district attorney to plea this down to nothing. TD must pay. His Mother must pay too.

And I have some really evil ideas as to how to make that happen. I once told TD when they were in jr. high that if he ever did anything to hurt Zach, I would make him pay. And I will. If he's lucky, he'll go to prison for a while. If not?

The odds that I'll actually allow the monster its will are practically nil. If I were actually serious, I wouldn't be telling people about how I feel. I would definitely not be writing about it. TD is one of the monsters I learned about last semester. If he continues down this path he will become a serial killer. How will I go through life knowing I knew, but couldn't do anything to stop him?