Sunday, October 22, 2006

Here we go!

Mr. V. came to our classroom and oogled over the Twisted Bear logo I created. He looked at me - I guess to put an exclamation on that point. He looked at Mrs. W. and asked her "she is going back to school isn't she?" My heart skipped a beat. I told him I hadn't said anything to her about it yet! I looked at him to plead his silence.

The she said "She needs to!" She continued the conversation with him as though she really felt I was wasting my life where I was. So, once he left, and she and I were alone, I told her. That means I can write it here now.

I am going back to school. I have applied and have been accepted, will receive enough financial assistance, and will begin classes in January. So, that's it. I am quitting my job of 13 years on December 20 to embark on this journey. I am so excited!

Mostly. Sometimes I get a huge attack of anxiety when I think of the gravity of what I am about to do. There are no guarantees that I will achieve the desired outcome, even if I get my BS (which I will!). That anxiety always turns and runs when I remind it that the only guarantee I have right now is that I will never fully be me if I don't at least try.

Now, I must successfully navigate through these next several weeks. I'm not good and biding my time when I finally see the course of action. Even if it means NOT getting to go on a cruise around Hawaii. But this is no cruise, and I must stay this course in order to get to where I need to be. God give me strength!

I realized something else today. I can't fix my washing machine. CRAP!

Another thing I learned today is that I can make brownies from scratch better, in not much more time, and without dirtying any more dishes, than if I had made them from a box. Now, that can be a good thing, unless you know me. If you knew me, you would say "what about that 'after' picture?"

Something I learned in October that I wish I hadn't, is that you can't really trust anyone. A co-worker of mine cheered me on while I was making this decision to move on. She kept telling me that if I left, she would quit too. I never thought she needed to quit, but it was the whole I've really got your back thing. Now it appears that she may have had something else in mind. I work an 8 hour day, she works a 7 hour day. If I quit, she will get the 8 hours, so that would mean more money. If it is true that she was thinking that, the joke will be on her. There is no more money for working the 8 hours because uncle sam gets it all. Oh, well.

I've decided that if I'm ever going to write a novel, I need to practice. So today I will post one of those practices. I wonder about copyrights. If I put these here am I saying, "go ahead! It's yours for the taking!"? Wow, do I really think I might actually write something someone would want to steal? Well, I guess I'm hoping I will.

1 comment:

  1. Yea for you!
    I'm sure that takes a load off your mind. And, yea for you to make the choice to go on with school and improve thing for yourself.
    Good luck!