Thursday, October 26, 2006

It Goes That Way

It goes that way sometimes. Just when you think you’ve got the world by the tail and your last problem licked, life swoops in and kicks you right smack in the nose. You hold your face for those first several moments, trying to push back the pain, then you probe your nose for signs of blood and breakage. Once the worst of the throbbing subsides, you open your eyes and search for the source of the blow. If you’re very lucky, it was just a freak accident. But if you Susan, you’d better duck.

It started at lunch. It all seemed so innocent and harmless, and once she had cleaned her burrito topped with mounds of lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream, guacamole and salsa up off the floor, she optimistically moved on with her day. Her pants and shoes were delightfully spiced, but that would not dampen her mood.

She should have ducked.

She didn’t, though. She got into her car and began her drive back to work. She navigated through traffic with grace and poise, anticipating and adapting with ease. For two whole miles she negotiated lane changes and turns, never missing a beat. The guy in the truck behind her wasn’t blessed with her grace. He smashed into the rear of her cute little car, demolishing it in an instant.

She visited the nearest emergency room for a few tests and x-rays. They fitted her with the most obnoxious looking neck brace she had ever seen. She filled out forms, answered multitudes of tedious and redundant questions, and promised to hand over her first born child should the bill turn delinquent. They kept her there for two hours. She wasn’t about to let this get her down, however. She called a cab to take her to work.

She didn’t even flinch.

When she got there she was just 1 hour and 45 minutes late. Which apparently was more than enough time to fill her position with another person. She would have packed her stuff, but someone had already done it for her and placed it quite firmly in her bruised arms.

She was too shocked to even say anything. Instead, she decided to go home. She longed to be wrapped in he fiancé’s safe warm arms. She had spent her last dollar on the cab ride to work, but that didn‘t faze her. She didn’t mind riding the bus.

She didn’t even see it coming.

She crammed herself amongst the other riders, lugging her box with all her treasures. Most of the others didn’t even look at her, making her wonder if she were invisible. The guy with the mustache and fine perfume reassured her that she was most visible. He stared at her, but she refused to be intimidated. She stared back. The contest was on. Neither of them so much as blinked for what seemed an eternity. Her opponent cracked a smile, revealing grey shards of what once was surely a pleasant smile.

Finally, Susan looked away. Not because she was defeated by her challenger, but because someone behind her vomited over her shoulder, down her chest, and into her box of treasures. It didn’t resemble the vomit scene in the Exorcist at all. Oh, no, this made that scene look like a pleasant stroll through a rose garden. It was becoming quite difficult to keep up her spirits, but she was determined. She exited the bus at her stop.

She walked right into it.

Well, she was actually limping when she finally reached to door of her 12th floor apartment. She juggled the smelly soggy box and her purse, and finally got the key into the lock. She turned it, opened the door and nearly fell into the apartment. She set her box down and sat in her favorite chair. Of course, it collapsed.

She was about to give in and start crying when she heard her fiancé in the bedroom. She desperately needed nurturing from the most giving and caring man she had ever known. Not to mention handsome! Hair as black as coal, eyes as blue as the sky, a mouth that begged to be kissed, abs you could do laundry on, a butt so tight… yes, lets just say he was hot. So was the girl he was romping with in Susan’s bed!

She chased out the little floozy, and threw out the jack ass. She threw a vase at him as he went out the door.

He ducked.


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