Happy to be home

Tonight I was watching desperate housewives.  I had finished dinner, and was almost done with my progress notes.  I got up to get some apple crisp for desert and an unpleasant feeling washed over me.  Last year at this time I would have been getting ready to go back to Pocatello for the week.  I can't even begin to tell you how much I hated living in that apartment.  I went to school with a bunch of kids whom I had nothing in common with, and they never invited me to do anything anyway because I was as old as their parents.  Most of the things they liked to do I don't do much anyway. 

The apartment I lived in was the worst place I have EVER lived!  My neighbors were generally druggies, and drug dealers, and the manager was a lying scheming worthless piece of work.  I rarely had a good internet signal when I was there.  I could hear one neighbor having intimate relations, another liked to play his guitar at all hours of the night, and the neighbor next door fought a lot with his wife.  It stunk, it was run down, and there was nothing about it that said home.

I spent the entire week working on homework, on teaching assistant stuff, going to classes and working in the lab.  When I got to do PSR work I got excited!  It was the only part of my life where I felt important.  I had some classes I loved!  Sensation and Perception was a total mind blower for me.  I could spend my whole life learning about that stuff.  I also looked forward to Physiological Psychology and Fetal development.  I read lots of research and debated with classmates about the implications of the findings.  It was a blast.  But when I think about all the hours I spent in the my office because I couldn't stand to go back to the apartment and feel so utterly alone, I just want to cry.

I don't regret my decision to not go back this year.  I am happy working as a PSR.  I have a lot of hours.  I can handle this much for now, but I'm sure I will eventually want to cut back some.  Maybe.  Maybe I'll get used to all of this time working and decide that's what I want to do from here on!  I need the money for now.  I did find out, however, that 32 hours/week looks an awful lot like 38 hours a week on my take home pay.  Taxes get the rest!

I'm not complaining about paying taxes!  I feel like I am contributing to my cause now!  I am donating my money to agencies that feed the poor, house those who would be otherwise homeless, support the disabled, build the roads I love to drive on, etc. etc. etc!  It makes me feel good to know I am giving back now.  I got the Earned income tax credit for a lot of years because I didn't make enough money to support my own kids.  Now I get to help another woman somewhere who is struggling like I did.  I only wish I could make more so I could pay more! 

Well, I might have gotten a little carried away there.  But I do feel good about paying my share now.

And I'm really glad I am not just now pulling up to a stinking rat-hole of an apartment right now.