Monday, February 27, 2006

The Bachelor

She looked confused and unsure. She certainly didn’t make them feel as if she really wanted the prize. She said she couldn’t say it because she wasn’t that kind of person. In truth, she didn’t know why. If she had known she would have said “you want me to declare my undying love and devotion for your son to you, and to be honest, nothing would feel better. But to assign words to the feelings and actually say them out loud would make them acutely real. I can’t wear my heart on my sleeve, I have to keep it safe. Right now, it‘s not safe.

“I could though, I could walk this path with him as far as it goes, off into eternity if possible. And I would, if it were just me. But it isn’t just me, is it? Sarah is also a factor.

“And oh what a factor she is. Bubbly, ambitious, goal oriented, Sarah is beautiful and kind. She has never known the pain and disappointment that have made me so private and guarded. She has so many of the qualities I wish I could possess. She is a big factor, and she would help him break my heart.

“So please don’t ask me to give what he cannot.”

She knew she wasn’t safe, but she didn’t know quite how she knew. She chalked it up to the game. She’s an intelligent woman, after all, and surely she knew what she was getting herself into, right? No one really knows how it will really be. Twenty five beautiful women claw and bite their way to the bachelor, as if having him in the end is worth the means. But it’s a cruel, and evil game.

It’s a wild rollercoaster ride designed to throw all of the women off kilter. They put them all in the same house to divert their attention to unimportant matters. He plays them all. He makes them all feel as if they’re the only one he sees.

That’s how he made her feel. She trusted him, and believed that he was being honest with her about his intention. She never would have done this if she hadn’t been so busy trying to prove the him, her and everyone else that she was worthy of his affection. She couldn’t see how wrong the whole thing really was. Why should she prove her worth to him, or any other man for that matter.

The truth nagged at her constantly, but she didn’t understand it. If he loved her the way she deserved to be loved, he would have told her and the entire world, ratings be damned. You know he told the girl he picked. She couldn’t hide it, it was written all over her face.

So while the one walks away with a date for a while, the other one is left to pick up the pieces that are left of her heart. She didn’t wear it on her sleeve, but she didn’t keep is safe, either.


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