I've seen more spectacular sunrises and sunsets in the past month than I have in my entire life. I never take my camera with me, mostly because I'm afraid of theft. There have been a couple so beautiful that they literally brought tears to my eyes. Well, if the sun rises about the time I am hitting the neely area, tears come to my eyes - but not because of beauty. I took some pictures of fall though. Not as pretty, but moving non-the-less. It reminds me of my place in this life.Just a little more than one month and I'll have earned my BS. I have three class that I really should be more focused on, but my brain is mush!
My theatre class is all online, but that doesn't mean there isn't a lot of work to go along with it. Reading play after play, taking stupid quiz after stupid quiz (stupid because you can re-take them and get 100%), then writing papers and submitting them never to know what your grade on them is. (Frustrating) Then we have to form groups to produce a play - sort of. We just make a powerpoint presentation about what we would do. But trying to get people together on Moodle is really frustrating. The girl who really wanted to start a group with me, wants to be director or web master, has gone a-wall. I don't know what she is doing. And I'm finding it hard to care.
I love biology. I have always loved biology. It's a great science. I love psychology. I have always loved psychology. It's a great way to understand humanity on a scientific level. Put them both together and you have Nirvana. I don't care. My brain is mush, and I can't seem to muster up the energy I need to do my best. I got an 88% on the last test. Why? Was the test unfair? No. Was the information really difficult? No. Was my brain nothing but mush? YES! Do I care? I'm really trying to!
Senior seminar. What can I say about the capstone class. Delay discounting. I suppose I could have tried to do a fake study on the rate of discounting in seniors who still have classes to pass in comparison to juniors who are still into the fun of learning. That's right, my rate of discounting seems to be increasing exponentially each and every minute. Do I care? Well - this is just a pass fail class. I only have to get the points necessary to get a C (C=P, B=P, A=P). So, I keep thinking, "cool, I only have to be a C student in this class, and it doesn't do anything to my grade! If I work harder, I could still be an A student, but what would that really say about me? An A gets the same thing as a C. But I still want to care.
I love the lab. I would love the lab more if we had some participants, but I do keep busy doing things that don't get done when there are a lot of participants. Things like survey data, making PDFs of important research studies, filling in the blank spots, and other stuff that gets left behind during busy times. I find, however, that I don't show up at 8:00 sharp these days. If I don't have a participant until 9, I can't see much reason to get up at 5:30 a.m. I love my sleep. All of this sounds scary, I know. I'm not talking about not graduating, I can keep things together better than that. What I am talking about is not killing my gpa the last semester of my undergraduate career. I'm talking about making sure that invitation to apply to graduate school is still there.
Graduate school. ISU is most likely getting a PhD program in experimental psychology - which is exactly what I love. I have been very well encouraged to apply. It is agreed that I should take next semester to take the gre, get letters of recommendation and take care of personal matters. If I work hard enough, I could have the PhD I have wanted so badly before I'm old enough to retire! I could very likely be able to get a job teaching at the local community college. That would be cool. I will more likely find a way to make it work for people who have disabilities.
What I want to do is to create a community center for people who have disabilities. This center would be a place where disabled people can go that is safe, fun and inexpensive. It would also be a place where people who have disabilities would find employment. Someone needs to run the place! There would be grounds keeping and greenhouse jobs (Zach would love that), an arts and crafts program, a store where the arts and crafts would be sold, a little movie theater, a buffet/restaurant/coffee shop, a bowling alley, miniature golf, and that's just for starters. A place like that would need cashiers, ticket takers, cleaning crew, hospitality crews, etc. etc. etc. Parents of adults with disabilities around here are not impressed with the options their offspring have as adults. This would fill this niche. I am sure that I could get these people (many of whom are successful business owners) to help with money and services to get this going. Especially since I don't plan to get rich from it. I would like to set the program up so that it is owned by the disabled people who work and recreate in it.
The thing is, I have no clue as to how to get something like this going. If I were to get a PhD in experimental psychology, I would have the know-how to do the research necessary to determine what programs would be wanted/needed and what steps would be most advantageous for making it happen. Marketing, grant finding, community involvement will be tools for me to use to make it happen. I will never win a large enough lottery to pay for the development and creation of this facility. I can, however, use my intelligence and drive to get money from others to make this dream a reality!
According to grad students, there are options available that allow them to get through grad school without racking up debt. I would have to be a fool not to follow this path that I see before me. I have worked hard to get to this place where I can step onto it! Important people are encouraging me to do this. I still remember the 18 year old graduating from high school who had no hopes of ever being anything in this world. A housewife/mother was the goal that was given to me. It wasn't the path best suited for me. Good came from it, I have two great kids. But I have wasted a lot of youth not doing some of the things I know I can do.
Oh, well, better late than never.
