Saturday, July 28, 2007

I have a new keyboard!

Ok, so it's not new and it's not mine. It is very old, and it is Megan's. Someone she knows wanted to give it away to someone who would play it, and Megan was the perfect choice. She has always wanted to learn to play the piano, but we could never afford one. She has even taken piano lessons without a piano to practice on, and was told she picked it up very fast. She sat and played on it for about a half hour before she had to go to work. It was just like listening to her practice her violin, soothing and beautiful. She doesn't pick notes like most people (me included). She plays like everything is a beautiful song - seamless and meaningful. Megan is moving back in, and she is bringing her music with her!

I have been too busy lately to write my scrutator posts. My life has turned into a monstrous roller coaster that has gone out of control, and who knows if the tracks will hold!

TD and JV have both confessed, and as far as I know, TD is planning to plead guilty. He has waived his preliminary hearing, and they say that is good. TD is still in jail. The judge originally gave him a $50,000 bond fee, and I don't know if it has been changed, but he was still in jail last night. That didn't stop one of his cronies from trying to trick me into giving him Zach's cell phone number. I caught on early, and I have even paid a $15 fee to find out where the call came from. I am supposed to log these kinds of calls. It doesn't make me feel too terribly safe though.

TD is most like going to PRISON. Not jail, or juvie. PRISON! I was told he would be sentenced to 6 mos and reevaluated to see if he should be released on probation. My guess is that he won't be able to be good for the six months. He has too much of an anger problem. Hopefully, the son of a crank whore will be out of our lives for good.

The house is in ruins trying to get ready for Megan to move in. She will be sharing a room with me. I am hoping there won't be any angry words about whether her religious pictures will hang in my living room. They won't. We'll see.

I am also hoping when we get the living room livable again I will be able to get all of my free tv signals again. I would really not want to miss all my favorite soaps, after all.

Ok, I'm done rambling now. bye

Thursday, July 19, 2007


Have you ever seriously wanted to kill someone? I don't mean in the heat of the moment. I mean the cold calculating pre-meditated kind of killing. I do. I want to kill the boy who hurt my son. I have fantasized about it at length. I even planned how I would do it. The monster inside still lives, and is even more frightening than I ever knew.

I talked to a detective on June 26 who thought I was being a pain in the ass in denial mother. He was right. Not in the way he thought though.

He thought Zach was a willing participant in the consumption of the alcohol. It was easier to believe that. After all, boys will be boys. In a way, it made Zach seem kind of normal. It was a convenient, comforting sort of denial.

That denial was shattered on July 12. I got a call from that detective. One of the boys involved in the incident was incarcerated for stealing beer from Swenmart with TD. They stole the beer, damaged some property, TD hit someone who was trying to stop him, and there were some other charges. TD plead guilty to under-age in possession of alcohol, malicious destruction of property and possession of drug paraphernalia, all misdemeanors. The felonies were dropped. He had bonded out of jail, and his sentencing hearing will take place later this month.

JP, however did not bond out, and apparently has some kind of a conscience. He wanted to confess to what they had done to Zach.

JP came over that day to get Zach per TD's instructions. TD was waiting in the alley when JP came to the door and convinced Zach to go talk to TD. JP knew that the reason TD wanted Zach was to get money from him to buy marijuana with. I let Zach go, hind sight is 20/20.

When they got to TD's house, they offered Zach some of the vodka that TD's crank whore mother had purchased earlier with JP's money. Zach took one swallow and washed it down with the "grapefruit juice" TD offered him. They were filling 16oz tumblers 1/3 the way up with vodka, and filling them the rest of the way up with grapefruit juice. Zach didn't know there was vodka in the juice, and drank four glasses of the poison within ten minutes.

Zach wasn't feeling much of anything. They went into the backyard and Zach was rolling around in the grass. JP was already concerned with his strange behavior. TD and JV had Zach's wallet and went through it looking for his PIN. It wasn't there - Zach doesn't know the numbers of his pin, he just has a "finger memory". (He remembers the motions to key it in without know the numbers he is keying) They were asking him what his favorite four numbers were. They needed his PIN.

Zach was pretty out of it. As a matter of fact, he was not really even conscious. TD and JV had a knife and were threatening to cut Zach if he didn't tell them his PIN. Zach did not respond. JP was concerned that they had given Zach too much vodka, and that he was likely suffering alcohol poisoning. He said they should take him to the hospital, but TD's crank whore mother didn't want them to take him because she didn't want to get into trouble for buying the alcohol.

They decided to put him in the bathtub and shower him in cold water. He wasn't really conscious, but TD and JV were persistent. They wanted his PIN. They started burning him with lit cigarettes. He did not respond. Apparently, he actually became less responsive, because they all agreed that they had to get him out of there.

They all say that the were taking him to the hospital. I still question that.

They are charging TD and JV with three felonies and some other charges. Not stiff enough for me. They re-arrested him, and now he is in jail. This time he isn't bonding out. Zach is safe for now.

My plan is to contact agencies that advocate for people who have disabilities. I will not stand by and allow this district attorney to plea this down to nothing. TD must pay. His Mother must pay too.

And I have some really evil ideas as to how to make that happen. I once told TD when they were in jr. high that if he ever did anything to hurt Zach, I would make him pay. And I will. If he's lucky, he'll go to prison for a while. If not?

The odds that I'll actually allow the monster its will are practically nil. If I were actually serious, I wouldn't be telling people about how I feel. I would definitely not be writing about it. TD is one of the monsters I learned about last semester. If he continues down this path he will become a serial killer. How will I go through life knowing I knew, but couldn't do anything to stop him?

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Clarifying the record: bush/cheney

I guess it didn't occur to me that people would not know where I was coming from on the bush/cheney post. Looking back, I haven't actually written much about my political views. That's funny, because I have some very strong political views.

When people started to look at GWBush as a serious republican presidential candidate, I thought maybe we had stepped into the twilight zone. And we had. Let's face it, he's not the brightest bulb on the christmas tree. He is a poor copy of his father, who, by the way, did a poor job as president when he had the chance. And yet, people were hopping on board. His running mate was possibly the most greedy self serving opportunists in politics, and was obviously driving the giant steam roller of a ticket. But they were the guys who should run our country.

I kept telling people, everyone who would lend me their ear, that if Bush got in, we would be at war with Iraq within the next year or two. (I didn't have a blog then, or I would have written it.) I told them that he didn't have any better economic sense than his father did, so our economy would take a hit. There were other things I tried to warn people about. His lack of intelligence would make the US look like fools, his lack of integrity would hurt our country etc. etc. etc.

I didn't foresee everything, however. I didn't foresee him stealing the election. I didn't foresee him masterminding the events that would allow him to trick us into a war with Iraq. I didn't foresee his corruption leading us to some of the worst crimes against our economy that we have seen.

I remember the frustration I felt when the California energy crisis was taking place. I couldn't believe that people actually thought we suddenly didn't have enough electricity. Somehow, the population unexpectedly exploded to a point that they couldn't be accommodated. No one could hear me when I said it didn't make any sense, and that there was corruption at work somehow.

I truly believe that Bush/Cheney were behind the 911 attacks. I think Micheal Moore did a great job exposing him in Fahrenheit 9/11. I was utterly shocked and dismayed when that tragedy directly lead to a war in Iraq that has definitely not made things better for anyone. I couldn't believe people were so willing to ignore the fact that Saddam Husein was not Ossama BinLaden, and that he had nothing to do with the attacks on the world trade center, and was not actually seen as a serious threat to anyone. He wasn't smart enough to pull something like that off.

But there the country was, calling anyone and everyone who wasn't on board with the war unpatriotic. Shutting up those who vocalized their opposition with smear campaigns, and economic ruin. We gave up our civil rights so that bush could have his war. We gave up the things that made this country worth living in so that men like Dick Cheney could build on their already immense power.

Bush/Cheney have corrupted our country. We have never been as weak in this world as we are now. I worry that we are irreparably damaged.

We are at odds with our Islamic neighbors. That has been going on since Abraham spawned the three major religions that rip and tear at the fabric of humanity. As long as we see each other as intrinsic enemies, things will not get better. As long as the United States uses its immense power to shove our ideals down the throats of others, there will always be people ripe for the picking in covert operations designed to help our leaders manipulate us into supporting their evil agendas.

Al Qaida is not our greatest threat. Our arrogance is. Our inability to look at ourselves and see that we might not be right. Our unwillingness to hold ourselves and our leaders accountable for the wrongs that have been committed. Our unwillingness to accept the differences that have made humanity great. Our inability to recognize that we live in this world, and we need to get along with each other in it.

We are our greatest threat.

200 Posts!

This is my 200th post. Already! It's not that many compared to some, but for me, it's a lot. So, it's time to mention my favorite posts.

The first post I should mention, is my 100th post. Many of the posts mentioned in that post were my favorite posts then, and continue to be my favorite posts today.

But I didn't stop writing at that post! There is a second hundred, and I want to showcase some of them. My favorite posts under the Practice Practice Practice label are saying goodbye and It Goes That Way. I really had a lot of fun writing these. I really need to do more creative writing. Four posts in almost a year is not nearly enough.

Summer Grapes continues to be my favorite work of art. I am planning to turn it into a painting. Dierkies Lake, Shoshone Falls, Eagle Trail Unfrozen, and Perrine Bridge are my favorite pictures this time around.

What I learned this Semester Parts I, II, and III are my favorite soap box posts. I am enjoying my new Scrutator series. I wasn't sure how faithful I would be to it. So far, so good. I actually really like it because it is a record of which of the things I read that actually had an impact on me that week. It also gives me a hint of what kind of mood I was in. Good moods tend to gravitate toward funny news, and bad moods gravitate toward serious news. I'm not sure about the word of the day paragraphs. Despair not, I am bound to get there eventually.

My Simpler Days post means something to me. I need to write more posts like Weeping Willow. Posts like this help me put my emotions back into some sort of perspective.

I love my Someday series. It is my very own prayer to the universe. Before one can get what they want out of life, they have to know what that is. When I find a picture or have a thought that points to something I greatly desire, posting it is definitely the right thing to do. On bad days, I just have to look at these posts to remember what I am moving toward.

And that about sums up what I have spent my last 100 posts on. I need to do more spiritual work. It is one thing to take me out and look at me critically from time to time, it is another thing to take the time to make meaning of it all. Making time to make meaning while working toward a college degree will take some finesse. Hopefully I will figure out how to do both.

What will the next 100 posts bring? Even the wisest cannot tell.


I'm gonna walk the footpaths of my mother's family. Hill Billies they was. They was the bestest and the worstest of what folks could be. These mountains must have something going for 'em. After all, John Denver sang a song for 'em!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

For the record - bush/cheney

I'm not psychic. I don't read tarot cards. I've never been trained in remote viewing. I have no un-natural powers of any kind, except for a strange smell ;-)

What I do have is an amazing ability to see through the bull. Al Quaida is all over the news today, and apparently they are once again something we should worry about. Is it coincedence, serentipity, synchronicity, or just plain manipulative?

Bush wants to keep his war. Most Americans want our soldiers out of there. Republican Congress and Senate members have jumped off the cheney/bush wagon. Bush is throwing his hail mary again. And why not, it worked before. We're in this war to begin with because he waved al quaida in our faces. Use fear to stir up the hornets nest, again.

Al quaida is the only card Bush has left. Of course he is going to use it. If he had taken care of the problems that were responsible for the al quaida attack to begin with instead of persuing this ridiculous war on Iraq, maybe we'd feel safe again.

If I had a crystal ball I would say that we don't need to fear al quaida. That's not to say we have nothing to fear at all, for we have plenty to fear. We should be afraid of our president and vice president. We should fear their legacy.

I'm So Blue

Shall I break into a country-western song now? Ok, I'll spare you...this time.
My Brain is Blue

Of all the brain types, yours is the most mellow.
You tend to be in a meditative state most of the time. You don't try to think away your troubles.
Your thoughts are realistic, fresh, and honest. You truly see things as how they are.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about your friends, your surroundings, and your life.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Scrutator: Friday the 13th

As I acclimate to rest, I find this aborning break from my didactic analysis to be highly desideratum. Pecuniary necessities hamper my desire to travel at present, and thoughts of greener pastures waft through my mind betimes.

Do you suffer triskaidekaphobia? My blog does. My Hackosphere Peekabo Hack is having some real problems. Ramani, the hacker, has started changing things around and everything is starting blow up. He thought he was having headaches before! Poor thing. Fortunately,
tomorrow's just a day away.
Hopefully, there will be a good fix for this soon. In the meantime, if you want to read the rest of the posts that say "ramble on", you'll have to click on the title of the post, and you will be taken to the full post page.

I am feeling a little better. Problems with Zach persist as more details of his victimization become known, but even at that, I see an improvement in his outlook. The case will be turned over to the prosecutor next week. At that time, mommy bear will become highly vocal and gnat-like. I will be that pesky little pest who ensures that the prosecutor makes these boys pay for what they did to Zach. I will be contacting agencies that advocate for people who have disabilities. I know how to be a nasty little thorn. And if none of that works, I know where the little assholes live.

Like some wise anonymous person said:
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
I won't be failing this time.

That's enough frustration. Let's get to the meat of the week. These are some of the fun things I found on the Internet this week to share with you.

The dead extinct will walk again! How scary is that? Well, it is the plan. They are finding all of these frozen mammoths in Siberia, and they want to clone the DNA to bring woolly mammoths back from extinction. They are all excited about this baby because it is so well preserved. Then they can clone neandertals to hunt them!

YOU GO GIRLS! The classmates of a 13 year old stopped her father from forcing her to marry her 23 year old neighbor! That's awesome.

I guess christians don't like having someone else's religion shoved down their throats any more than I like having their religion shoved down mine. The christian press release doesn't make much sense to me, but then, what do I know about such things? After all, I always though that freedom of religion is what this country was founded on, not freedom to worship only christ. I would prefer to see a world free from religion. But I am realistic enough to know that humans would still find something to fight and exclude over.

PZ Myers at Pharyngulahas made a most frightening comparison. It could be worse.

Oh, wait, it is worse!

As funny as this is, it is terrifying for me. After all, I live in Dairy Country! Stinky cow farts, enormous numbers of flies and endangered water quality can't possibly all be cured with garlic. But if it makes someone feel better...

And so ends another week. And what a week! The anxiety is melting away, and soon, I'll have the house clean so I can start painting.

Last week I got my 1000th visitor (since February), and this coming week (maybe even this weekend) I will be celebrating my 200th post! I'm hoping the next 100 posts will be more light hearted and spiritual, but even the wisest cannot tell the future!

But that won't stop me from trying!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


I have some new sharp pointy letters to add to my collection. I don't know how I did it, but there they are. Summer school is over, summer is just beginning. I'm ready to PARTY!

Monday, July 09, 2007

1000 Hits!

I just got 1000 hits! Not since the beginning of the blog, because I didn't download statcounter until February 5, 2007. 1000 hits in 156 days. Not bad.

Most come from a couple of friends that keep up with what I'm up to. Some come from their web pages. Some get here through blogger chance. But many come from google searches.

One of the most frequented pages is Have you seen this alien? It usually gets found when someone googles "have you seen aliens" or something very similar. My favorite search string was "have you seen my boo bees". No, I haven't, and no, I probably don't want to.

The second most frequented page is happy one month anniversary sweety. Lot's of people must be looking for special things to do on their first month anniversary. I don't like being reminded of it. I guess I should have thought of that then, but then, I thought I might see a happy one year anniversary. Didn't happen.

Tons of people looked for information about a murder this spring. I still get hits occasionally on it, but not like I got at first.

I get several hits from people asking for help of some sort from the universe. "Dear Universe, I need help" "Dear Universe, you can have control" "Dear teachers, be kind and fair" etc. etc. etc.

People find images, and quizzes that I post. Sometimes they find information about autism, or social dysfunction.

But the 1000th hit came from:

1000th hit

Seen any good movies lately?

My summers are typically peppered with as many movies as I can fit in. Because of school, I am a bit behind. I have not seen as many as I would have liked, but maybe I'll get a few in before it's over. This weekend, the kids and I saw 1408. Of course, I didn't let summer school get in the way of Pirates! Some of the movies that are playing I don't want to see. Transformers, Evan Almighty, and Hostel Part III are just a few. But there are a few I would like to see.

1408 is one freaky scary movie! If you want to get the bajeebers scared out of you, this movie will do it for you!

Pirates of the Caribbean At world's End was so much fun! I don't get what all the critics objected to. It was just as funny and exciting as the first two.

I thought Evening looked good. My neighbor didn't think so, but it looks like one of those heart touching movies.

Knocked Up is one move I would like to see, but it's playing at the Orpheum. It is a beautiful theater. It is actually a landmark since it was built very early in Twin Falls History, and was done up all gaudy like a good stage is supposed to be. But the seats suck. It is nearly impossible to sit in them long enough to watch a movie, and the movie becomes less enjoyable because of the seats right about at the second trailer. Maybe I'll wait 'till it comes out on video.

Mr. Brooks looks interesting, and it's still playing. So maybe I'll get to see it before it comes out on video.

Joshua is one movie I'd really like to see, but I live in Idaho. What that means is I will most likely have to wait until it comes out on video. We have three decent sized theaters here, but they are all owned by the same greedy guy who only brings in movies that he knows will make him even richer and fatter. (I don't like the dude, ok?)
Powered by AOL Video

What about you? Have you seen any good movies lately? And do you think I'm getting too carried away with this embedded video thing?

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Are you feeling lucky?

Friday, July 06, 2007

Scrutator: Perception

The sered phantasmagoria of my psyche continues to carom from one heterodoxical philosophy to even more fractious notions. Such ratiocinations leave me with the desire to engage in convivial pursuits. I’ve earned the coming respite and plan to recreate and relax for the coming forty-five days. Alas, I pray this will be the last tortured post I must suffer for a spell. I need this time to put things back into perspective. My perceptions of late have been marred by my discord

Perception is a funny thing. We sense the world around us and our brain interprets for us what they mean. Then we try to explain and impose those perceptions on those around us with words that strain to define what we’ve perceived. Or has Henry Adams said:

No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.

But that won’t stop me from trying.

Perception. Our brain is designed to fill in the gaps. (it is best to use earphones to get the full impact of this video)

This isn't just true for hearing, but believing as well.

Here in Idaho, our wonderful citizenry passed a bill banning gay marriage. Something about how it damages the sanctity of the family or some such muck. I wonder. If marriage isn't a civil union, a legal contract between two people to take care of each other in legal matters, then what is it? If we allow christian fundamentalists to define marriage for us, then who will be allowed to marry? Atheists must be next in line. Then all non christians. When they've eliminated everyone else, who will they turn on? Each other!

I can't begin to guess what really goes on in the bush/cheney mind. My perception of what has transpired over the past "not close enough to eight years to make me feel comfortable" is not unlike those of Keith Olbermann.

Have you ever seen someone doing something weird. How did your perceptions of that behavior affect they way you felt about that person? My son engages in a great deal of self stimulatory behaviors, and some of them are more than just weird. I'm used to them. I know why he does it. The looks he gets inn public are really something. I wish that every time I saw one of those looks I could tell them this. There isn't as much wrong with the person engaging in the stim as in the person passing judgment because they perceive it to be objectionable.

A long time ago, I tried to keep a diary in my computer. I cannot access it now. For one thing, I no longer have a floppy disk drive, for another, I no longer have a program that can open them. All I get is a bunch of code - lost perceptions. It's time the software companies step up to the plate. I hate the idea that the only way to save my creative writings is to print them out and store them away, or post them on the internet in the form of a blog. Maybe they will do better in the future.

Some people might perceive a space this small to be unlivable. I, however, perceive things a little differently. My house isn't a big house by any means. It was built in the depression. And this guy has some ideas as to how I can make my house work better for me. Especially if Megan moves back in, and I end up sharing a room with her.

And so ends another week full of biased perceptions. It's hot and dry here, and not just in my psyche. Some things that grow love the attention they get from the sun while others nap 'till it's done.

I haven't decided what I will do yet.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

4th of July

Someday, I will have a camera that takes great pictures. Until then....Karla Kuna would not be impressed with this fireworks display. I, however, was. I thought it was distinctly Twin Falls. Not Boise. Not Las Vegas. Not Disney Land. Just Twin Falls. One didn't actually get off the ground. That was kind of freaky. I have never seen that happen before.

Why do fireworks ignite that feeling part of me? No matter what it is, if it is harmonious, it moves me. I think we are all supposed to move in harmony, and what makes us feel isolated is not feeling tht harmony. It is hard to feel good about the harmony of humanity these days. Too much distruction, too many conditions of worth, too much hate. I need to feel harmonious again. I crave it so.