Friday, June 27, 2008

Scrutator: I'll Miss George Carlin!

This is a March 19, 2004 file photo of actor and comedian George Carlin posing in a New York hotel . A publicist for George Carlin says the legendary comedian has died of heart failure at a hospital in Santa Monica, Calif., Sunday June 22, 2008. (AP Photo/Gregory Bull/file)

George Carlin died this week. I always appreciated his way of exposing humanity's inconsistencies. He told it like he saw it, and was able to do it in a way that made people laugh.

He is greatly missed.

OMG! I've been making the wrong kinds of sculptures! Can you believe that someone would actually spend that much time and money ($42,000) on this sculpture? I don't care if it was done with "irony and humor" in mind! The article says that "An enema is almost a symbol of our region." Well, now just when I thought I'd just about heard it all, someone goes and does something this distasteful. I guess that's the new art for you.

Blogger Buster is hosting a contest for people who come up with good suggestions for making Blogger better. I don't really need some of the things she is offering as prizes (what would I have to advertise after all?), but I do have some ideas. So I headed over to Blogger Wishlist and told them "captions for photographs are extremely frustrating. They don't actually look like captions in that they are not centered under the photo - but look like part of the text of the post. Please make captions easier for us non-html literate people!" We'll see if that helps. Another thing that would be fun is to be able to change the background for individual posts. I was able to find a function to put in the style sheet that allows me to make the background black for posts that are mostly photos, but it only goes to one color for all posts. Photos in general are rather frustrating in blogger. I would like to be able to line my photos up across the page in blocks (kind of like thumbnails). I suppose if I was very good, I would make tables to do that with, but why can't blogger set up a way for us to do it without so much trouble?

I'm moving to Mars! The soil there is perfect for growing asparagus, and we all know there is no tastier vegetable! Wait - what about tomatoes? I can't live without tomatoes!

It's short isn't it? There isn't much change happening in my head right now. It's summer and things are slowing down - for now.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

New job

Today was my first day of work. I still remember things! New people - new things to learn. If I'm not mistaken, I even get paid to do it!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

It's a good day

My blog was more interesting in the beginning. Before I had an audience. When it was still just a secret. I wrote of the deep pain I felt in the middle of my depressions. I don't know if I was more in touch with myself then, or just more honest about how I felt when I wrote.

There have been some dark times, indeed. It is also true that I have been terribly busy for the past year and a half learning the secrets of the human psyche. My psyche. I am closer to understanding who I am and why I keep getting stuck in the same ruts. I have been following the wrong pathways.

This blog is about the pathways in life that I have been following. When I started it, I really did think chasing down different forms of spirituality was how I would find my way. Now I know I must make my own way. The ruts I keep getting stuck in exist only in my head. It's time to pave some new super-highways in that brain, and I really do think I am doing that!

My hormones are at that point right now where anxiety usually takes me to places I should never go. But when it came this time, I immediately pushed it away. That's right, when the anxiety comes, don't let it take you down the path of fears and regrets. Instead, greet the anxiety, label it for what it is, and guide your thoughts toward the positive aspects of your existence.

It was kind of funny actually. Usually when I get the anxiety really bad, the first place I go is loneliness. But when it came this time, I reminded myself that I am not lonely. I am enough for me. I have so much going on right now, where would I find the time for a relationship? I really don't want one, they are too much work and I have grown too selfish. I don't have time to add someone else's distinctiveness to my own!

It also helps to accept that I always have what I need, not because of the good graces of someone who takes care of me (my grandpa has been gone for many years now and I am doing fine) or some supernatural entity, but by my own resourcefulness. It really brings a lot of peace to trust that I can take care of myself. I don't know why I should have ever doubted that or given credit for that resourcefulness away. I own it, and I am claiming it!

I am beginning to see that now, as I step out of my self-imposed prisons, I am finding joy, not fear, in my freedom. I came close to giving that freedom away, but I didn't. And I won't.

I have no money, but I do have a job. My house is not aging gracefully, but it keeps me warm and dry. I can't have the best foods known to humankind, but my belly is full. The air may not be pure, but when I breath in deeply, and blow out slowly, all my tensions melt away. I may not always know where I am going, but I know I am.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Scrutator: The Sun Stands Still

Today marks the Summer Solstice. It is a bittersweet day for me, as it marks both the first day of summer and the inevitable approach of winter. I love long days, and from here to the winter solstice, they get shorter every day.

But until the cold arrives we have the opportunity to enjoy the hottest and laziest days of the year. Remember when you were a kid and summer lasted forever? Each year since, they have passed more and more quickly.

I need to move to the land of eternal summer!

I have been convinced! I am voting Republican!

Last week I expressed concern about ABC's attitude towards advocating acceptance for autistic people. I continue this week with The Kids are all Right. This is a history lesson about Jerry's kids that I found at The Joy of Autism. Here you will find a video that explains how charities make the recipients out to be pitiful and incapable of helping themselves. These attitudes strip the recipients of the things they really need, like acceptance, and services that would allow them to function in their lives.

Michelle Dawson at The Autism Crisis has done a brilliant job in re-framing the Autism Speaks 1 in 150 campaign in which they are determined to represent autism rates as suddenly exploding. They do this by excluding the majority of autistics from their campaign, the adults. How many adults do you know that have autism? How well do they function? I think it is time for some accuracy in the way the media reports the current "issue."

Autistic kids are easy to abuse, especially when they are non-verbal. According to the Toronto Sun and the City News in Canada, a teacher aid went to see a psychic who told her the autistic girl was being abused. The girl is non-verbal and cannot confirm or deny such a ridiculous accusation, any more than the autistic children and their families who were victimized by facilitated communication (FC) helpers who accused parents of sexually abusing their autistic children. FC has since been proven to be false, as were the allegations. But false accusations caused a great deal of stress and pain for the families involved; families who can least afford to expend the monetary and emotional resources on such evil pseudoscience.

If people actually ever really thought critically about what they believe, these things wouldn't happen. But we aren't taught to think critically, are we. We are taught to believe blindly, so that's what we do, to hell with the costs.

Fortunately for the little girl and her family, the mother had proof that the child was not being abuse. She had a gps and recorder attached to the little girl because she didn't trust the public school she had to send her children to.

Now the child protection agency is investigating the school. As it should.

And that wraps up this weeks edition of the totally not famous Scrutator.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

You're Hired!

I now live, once again, in the land of the employed. Yes, I got the job. I don't much care for the hours and the days, but I will be able to make back the $2000 I spent on Megan's wedding by the time school starts.

Then, to add to the good news, my pell grant award looks great! Add that to the Kasiska scholarship I was awarded, and whatever student loans I decide to take, and I will be doing just fine. I just need to get through the summer!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Jobs and sleep

The time has come. Weddings aren't free, you know, and I spent a little on Megan's. I'm not complaining about the cost of her wedding, she kept it to about $2000.00 which is really great, I think. If she had waited until I was done with college and working I would have spent much more than that, I assure you.

But, $2000 is a lot of money to a starving college student, and it was the last of the savings I had. So, tomorrow, I have a job interview. That's right, I'll be working soon so that I can pay bills and get my bachelor degree. Summer is over for me, folks, and it doesn't even begin until Friday!

The good news is that have rested up. I have completely recovered from the sleep deprivation I had suffered from January to June. Never again will I do that to myself. I am even beginning to exercise again so that I can lose some of this fat that accumulated. Did you know that sleep deprivation causes weight gain and type II diabetes? Did you know that just a few days of sleep deprivation (not sleeping a full 7-8 hours a night) accumulates and causes a person's working memory to suffer, emotions to run wild and can even mimic psychosis if it goes on long enough? Well, I suspected the psychosis stuff, but didn't know the rest until I saw Lesley Stahl's report on 60 minutes Sunday. I never have been good at not getting enough sleep. I suspect I'm not alone.

I like the way the researcher said that not getting enough sleep is not a badge of honor. We need to eat healthful foods, get enough exercise, and sleep. We evolved to need sleep. Every animal that we know of needs sleep. Sleep functions to keep us sane and help us learn. DON'T MESS WITH MY SLEEP! I can go without food, water, and exercise, but please don't mess with my sleep!

Speaking of sleep: Goodnight.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Rock Creek Pathway

On my first walk down Rock Creek Pathway this year, I took several detours to look for interesting things to take pictures of. And I found some!

Friday, June 13, 2008

Scrutator: Shhh!!!!....It happens!

It has really been a long time since I have written a scrutator post. It got to be too much work, in part because of the silly introductions in which I tried to used a week's worth of word of the day words. I have abandoned that exercise. Do I hear applause? Oh, it's me! That doesn't mean I shouldn't share what I have been learning from the web. Besides, I once again have time enough to sleep, read, and write! I'm sleeping too much - but it won't last long, so I'm going to enjoy it, and start writing my dreams again. It is nice to look at my bloglines list and not see any unread blogs! And in case you haven't noticed, I'm on a role right now writing for this blog! I've even revamped all my blogs and am ready to get out and start exercising again so that I have something to post on my running blog!

so here goes.

The space shuttle has taken some amazing pictures of Earth's weather from 200 miles up.

I love clouds, I always have. They are more interesting than just about any other natural phenomenon I can think of. That is why I used a picture of a nebula (or space cloud of gasses) as the background for my blog. I had no idea that thunderstorms were so amazing from space!

More pictures, please!

I've been checking in on this blog from time to time since Megan decided to join the mormon church. Usually, it is boring, but this post is funny. I think it would work!

I tried to wake up early enough to watch the neurodiversity story on CBS. It wasn't on CBS, it was on ABC, so I missed. I found the story online, and I am feeling quite frustrated by the attitudes of Diane Sawyer and Deborah Roberts. If people with down's syndrome and parents of children with down's syndrome went on asking people to stop misunderstanding down's syndrom and stop trying to eradicate it, would they have reacted the same way?

The thing is, autism, in and of itself, is not some horrible malady that threatens the livelihoods of all who touch it! People who have autism, down's syndrom, traumatic brain injury, paralysis, blindness, deafness, etc. etc. etc. have the right to be accepted, validated, and valued in our society. I agree with this parent who compares society-at-large's attitude toward autism to racism.

I am really looking forward to the day when the people who have autism are heard and understood better than the parents of young children who have been given the diagnosis and don't yet truly understand what it means.

I don't get it. This is really a problem? One can play sudoku and send drug dealers to jail all at the same time, and you can't tell me otherwise!

I found this sign at treehugger and thought it was hilarious. The article was dull, but the sign was great.
It's all in how you frame it, isn't it?

Look! A real live Unicorn! Not quite as pretty as the ones I always read about in fairy tales, but real none-the-less. So when the song says "you'll never see a unicorn to this very day" don't believe it!

Can you hear me singing?

John McCaines Birth Certificate?

over at Daily Kos has developed a wicked sense of humor! I think this may be in response to McCaine announcing that he is computer illiterate. There is some concern that someone who is out of touch with one of the most important technologies of our time may not be the right person for the job.

I can't say I blame the Koreans at all for refusing our beef. I don't believe the American cattle industry is doing nearly enough to protect us from this senseless disease. It can take 20 years for the symptoms to develop once a person has the disease, and we have had some very interesting developments of human cases that were not convincingly explained. And that was when it was "newsworthy" enough to be on tv. I can't help but wonder how many people are dying of this. When they are elderly, it is easy to assume it's dementia.

I think it is possible that it is being hushed up because if it got out that the American beef supply isn't safe, it would have a seriously detrimental effect on our economy. Are you willing to sacrifice your life to the beef industry? The Koreans aren't. Good for them.

So, there you have it. It's a strange and courious world out there. One can never tell what will happen next! Or when the not at all famous Scrutator will be pulled from the shelf and dusted off.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Technological Woes

I refuse to pay $40+ for cable or satellite signals. I see enough on free tv to keep me entertained for far longer than I should be. But my tv is not digital, and on February 17, 2009, I will no longer be able to pick up the analog signal I have so come to love.

Buy a converter box, they say, and the gov. will send you a coupon. So I signed up for 2 coupons and purchased a converter box from Best Buy. I hooked it up and it appears to function - the menu page comes up and it even looks for signals. The problem is, it isn't finding the tv stations. Out of 15 channels, it picks up 3. I have a UHF/VHF antenna that has a power boost, which is supposed to work with the converter box!

I know it isn't a problem with converter box, because I bought the second converter box at Fred Meyer (for $10 less I might add) and it does the same thing. I hope I won't have to buy an expensive antenna to put on top of my house! I don't understand why my uhf/vhf powered radio shack antenna picks up the analog stations so well but not the digital stations.

What's a girl to do?

I sure hope I figure out what is going on soon, I would really hate to miss out on any of my soaps sitcoms talk shows news programs!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I was a star once.

Star Wars dance pictures - I'm the one on the left in the back row.I had company, of course, but it was one of the most amazing experiences of my entire life.

I was in the ninth grade that year. Star wars was huge then, and the dance teacher's husband was a law enforcement officer who had access to glow sticks - before anyone knew what they were. I was part of the acrobatic/gymnastic group that wore black. The other group (not pictured here) was the ballet group and wore white flowing chenille ballet costumes. They got the glow sticks.

I actually remember learning the dance as the dance teacher choreographed it. The two groups learned their parts completely separately and only had a few run throughs together before the show. We did test out the glow sticks for one dress rehearsal.

I can still see the lights. The music was the theme song to Star Wars, of course. Not the jazzy song they played on the radio, but the song that played in the movie. It was hard to see the faces in the audience at first, but the closer I got to them, the better I could see them. It all went off without a hitch. When the ballet group came on and lit the glow sticks, the entire audience oohed and awed.

I don't remember much about my performance, which means I didn't make any big mistakes. I remember I did a camel hop instead of a flip flop, which was the right thing to do. Everyone thought it was so cool-looking! Of course, my mom was hoping I'd do the flip flop, but my wrists are weird and I wasn't consistently doing them well. The audience didn't know that.

I can still remember the opening movements - but the rest is a bit of a blurr to me.

The one thing I remember best is that we got a standing ovation! I'd been dancing since I was 4 years old. This was the first and only standing ovation the dance I participated in ever got.

I was on such a high that night. It was amazing and wonderful. If I could live out my life feeling like that, I would.

Sometimes, my life was more than good. It was awesome!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Acquisition 4: Morality

People have gained comfort from the belief that an immortal, omnipotent, omniscient supernatural parental figure controlled and guided their lives ever since the first human asked "why?" They also gained a sense of control over their lives by believing that if they behave this way, they will be rewarded, if they behave that way, they will be condemned. Cosmic Justice. Heaven and hell. Karma. Morality.

But humans weren't satisfied to settle on a supernatural parent as the best way to understand the unexplained, and developed a systematic, careful study of the natural world around us. Science has come to explain, through observable, recordable, and replicable evidence, that many of the things taught in religious texts is wrong. Religions continue to lose their foothold on knowledge, and have begun to hold most tightly onto those things that have yet to be fully described.

Morality is one one of the things religions hold on to. Religious people like to hold up Hitler, Stalin and Kim jon Il as examples of what happens when religion is excluded. But how do they explain the atrocities that were visited upon people in the name of their god and religion? Their position could only make sense in the absence of those atrocities. If morality comes from religion, killing would not occur because of it! Killing in the name of god or religion makes no moral sense. Is it truly moral to believe that you are better than all other people on earth just because of what you believe? Is it moral to kill those people because they believe something different?

Religious people also claim that the old testament was written in a different time that required different rules. Why? If it is wrong to kill now, why not then? If it is wrong to own slaves now, why not then? If it is wrong to marry several wives now, why not then? If religious texts were true moral compasses, they would not change as humanity progressed. If morality is what our eternal souls are to be judged by, why would the rules of morality ever change?

Where does morality come from, then, if not religion? I don't think it is any more difficult than knowing that we are social animals. All social animals follow rules that enable them to work together and become successful as a species. The individual could not survive without the whole, and the whole must dictate rules which the individual must follow in order to be accepted as a part of that whole.

Social species depend on their members to work together and help each other in order to survive and thrive. One of my favorite examples of this is The Battle at Kruger. In this video, it appears that the buffalo are behaving as though they have morals. Maybe this feeling is more representative of the anthropomorphic fallacy, but it is compelling. At the very least it shows a group behavior that indicates these individuals have evolved to work together and protect each other in order for the species to survive.

Without religion, an individual would still be expected to behave in a way that is congruent with the wishes of the group they are a part of. If an individual becomes murderous, they will be removed from the society they are preying on. Without membership in a society that feeds and protects them, that individual would not be likely to survive, much less reproduce.

It should be a given that we should treat other people the way we want to be treated. It doesn't take any special supernatural network to show how this benefits us all. But is there more to morality being dictated by a supernatural being?

When children socialize, they understand that rules must apply in order for things to work at all. Sometimes, however, those rules are not clear cut. When two children disagree on an ambiguous rule, they often invoke an authority figure. "I'm telling!" If the rule is clear, the offending child already knows whether they're in trouble and alter their behavior accordingly. When a rule is ambiguous, the offending child might balk and give in to the other child to avoid the possibility of punishment. Invoking a higher authority is a great way to control the behavior of others. No wonder god became so instrumental to human morality!

When my neighbor asked me how I know right from wrong, I didn't know what to say to her then. The answer is, I only think I know what's right or wrong for me at the time I am making decisions.

There are things I am fairly confident I would never do because I think they are wrong - because I wouldn't want them done to me. Murder is one of those. But I cannot say for certain I would never do it. Under unusual and stressful circumstances, one might do almost anything. All I can say is that if events in my life continue to happen they way they have in the past, I will not choose to kill. And I my choice not to kill has nothing to do with eternal punishment. It has to do with knowing that I would not want to be killed as my life is precious to me. I also know I would serve a significant amount of my life in a prison, which is certainly counterproductive to living a well rounded fulfilling life. Fearing retribution from a supernatural entity doesn't even enter into it.

I always try to make the best decisions I possibly can, but sometimes those decisions are terribly wrong, and bring a great deal of discomfort to me. Just like everyone else, I have my moments. Right and wrong, justice and injustice, morality and immorality are all incredibly subjective. They change over time because people and situations change over time. Morality evolves as humanity evolves. Religion isn't even a necessary component.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Remember Enron?

I do. I remember that when California started having a serious energy problem that no one seemed to question it. I remember telling people that it didn't make sense, and they disagreed. "How did the problem become so big so fast?" I questioned. "Population is exploding, not enough sources of energy, it was inevitable" they replied.

The population is exploding, but it happens at a gradual pace - a slow enough pace to allow accommodations to be made to keep up. There should not be a time when population numbers outpace the ability to create new sources of energy to meet demand. We are humans, and humans have more than enough creativity and motivation to provide what we need for ourselves. I don't believe it is inevitable that we will ever run out of energy sources.

Environmentalists jumped right on the bandwagon. "We told you people that you were nothing but a bunch of energy hogs and that you would eventually have to pay!" they seemed be be saying. Of course, they are hoping to scare people into using the energy sources that are naturally available. I agree, but not at the expense of poor people who struggle just to stay fed, clothed and housed.

The government dragged their heals in trying to figure out what was going on. After all, the men with the deep pockets were getting even richer! Those pockets were getting deeper!

People who had money and good jobs weren't happy, but they pulled up the bootstraps and trudged along. It was the people who could least afford to pay more that paid dearest.

As it turned out, there was no energy crisis. It was all a fraud perpetrated on the unsuspecting public. Electricity bills went back to normal, and heads rolled.

It's happening again - I suspect. I can see that there is an increase in people using oil. I can see that the Arabs are reluctant to make things easy for us. I can also see that oil companies are making record profits. There is no reason why gasoline should cost $4.00 per gallon.

People who have good jobs and make a decent living are pulling up the bootstraps. The auto industry is taking a hit - hopefully they actually begin to manufacture cars that are energy efficient because of this, if they survive. The airline industry may not survive. Truckers can't afford to haul food for us anymore. And poor people are having a much more difficult time keeping themselves fed, clothed and housed. They aren't driving much these days, only when they have to.

Environmentalists jumped right on the bandwagon. "See, we told you people that you were nothing but a bunch of energy hogs and that you would eventually have to pay!" They are jumping at the thought that new energy sources are being looked at. Power/money hungry folks are jumping at the bit! People in Idaho are anti-nuclear because of nuclear waste that has been buried badly above our water source, but nuclear power plants will be built because of this "crisis". Our river has been dammed up so much to provide power that the salmon are nearly extinct, and we have enough wind here that we should be able to do well enough without coal or nuclear powered plants. And we do. A great deal of our power is being sent to California.

Government officials are dragging their feet. Apparently, nothing the Bush/Cheney machine does will ever be seriously questioned.

And those who can lease afford it will foot the bill.

In a year or so, some heads will roll. Hopefully, Americans will elect a president that has some amount integrity, and enough intelligence to right the wrongs. Gas prices will return to an affordable price, and our economy will begin to improve.


Sunday, June 08, 2008


For some reason I thought making my blog look like this was going to be very difficult! It wasn't. On a construction blog, I downloaded a template from so that I could fix the background while the rest of the blog scrolled. The template I picked made all of the posts transparent - which was cool for text - but not photos. In the end, I liked the text floating with no separate post background. It almost gives it a floating in space feel. It definitely gives the blog appearance some depth.

The background picture came from Nasa's Astronomy Picture of the Day (APOD). It is the Blue Lagoon Nebula, and I think it is beautiful. Most nebulae look very beautiful when the Hubble telescope looks at them. The header image also came from APOD. It is the Hubble Ultra Deep Space Image.

I used GIMP, a photoshop program I downloaded for free and am just learning how to use, to scale and crop it to the right size.

I think I'll leave it like this for a while, and see if it continues to please my visual senses. What do you think of it?

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Mushroom Invadors

Zach has noticed a new parasite growing with his pepper plant. We have no idea what kind of mushrooms these are, or what they will do to his plant. He has isolated the plant from his others and we are watching the development of these little fungi. We are also actively researching mushrooms to determine what this is. Do you know?

They're quite small, even the one that is bloomed is only about as big around as a penny.

We don't know where they came from. Zach is growing his garden in his bedroom, and they are quite closed off from the rest of the world.

The only thing he has introduced that is new is the potting soil he added.

I'm still looking for the little people who use them as stools to sit on. I'll bet they know how they got there!

Friday, June 06, 2008

Popcorned Butter

I took my dad to the movies for his birthday. We ordered two drinks ($4 each) and a medium bucket of buttered popcorn ($5.00). It cost less to see the movie, afternoon matinees are only $5.50. We almost needed a spoon to eat the popcorn that was swimming in butter. At least the movie was good!He's older, but he still has it! I have gone to the theater with my dad to see all of the Indiana Jones movies. It's special to me, but I don't think my dad knows why exactly.The bad guys:  Commies this time.
When I was raped, he took me to see the Temple of Doom to take my mind of the troubles. He really didn't know how to handle it, heck, I didn't know how to handle it. But four a couple of hours everything was ok.
Shia Lebeouf, Harrison Ford, karen Allen: Indi learns he has a family!Ever since, I have always thought of my dad when watching Indiana Jones movies. These movies are a heck of a lot of fun. You take your seat, set your life and your troubles and logic outside the door, secure your pop and popcorn, and go on a wild ride!Jr. learns he has a father
This one was just as good as the rest, too. They tied all of the Indi movies together in this one. I even suspect this movie was to pass the torch! Who knows, maybe I'll be taking my grandkids to watch Shia LeBeouf go on more archaeological adventures!Cate Blanchett: is there a role she wouldn't be good in?
I love Cate Blanchett. She can play any role, it seems, and make it believable. Her beauty goes all the way through. Even when she is being evil.
I think my dad was a little undone by how aged Harrison Ford has become. It reminded him of his own age. He, like me and probably everyone out there, doesn't feel old. He still feels as young as he ever was, though his body tells him otherwise. We decided that in our lifetimes, we amass a certain amount of knowledge that we hope benefits the next generation. I told him I was concerned that humanity doesn't seem to learn as fast as some individuals learn. He reminded me that we have come a ways just in a century or two. We have, but it is sad to see how painfully slow we are at learning as a species. We are a species still in its infancy, betting all we have that we will be saved from ourselves. I cant help but doubt our ability to outlive our ignorance.

In the meantime, we have Indiana Jones.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Mother of the Bride

I don't know why I watch Dr. Phil. At first it was refreshing, but as time passed, it started to look more and more like Maury Povich. Dr. Phil is a part of the Ol' Boys club, and insults women everywhere by publicly making a mockery of his marriage by letting on that the main ingredient of any successful marriage is the man kowtowing to his bossy wife.

The mother of the bride and the bride to be - Photo from Dr. Phil's web siteYesterday's show hit a chord with me. It was about a young couple planning to get married who chose to ban the groom's mother from the wedding. I have no doubt that the mother of the groom was behaving erratically, but to blow it so completely out of proportion is ridiculous.

I think Dr. Phil saw through it all. I did, after all, I was just there! No one tells you that when your child gets married, it changes your whole relationship - it has to! This child who has depended on me to some extent for her whole life now has someone else to depend on. It should be this way. The rational part of every parent sees this, I'm sure. But the emotional part just doesn't get it.

The groom in the show was an only child. His mother was having an extremely difficult time letting him transition into his adult life. If she is like me at all, she spent hours and hours looking at pictures of him growing up, aching for that child that she would never again be able to rock to sleep. Growing up is a gradual process, but it has mile markers that sneak up and stick an knife right through a mothers heart and twists it until she can't even breath.

Marriage is one of those rites of passages that rips a mother to shreds. I have no doubt that when that mother went to see her son, she was very clingy and needy. Maybe this seemed inappropriate to the bride to be, but the way the bride to be responded was unwarranted. The events she set into motion will come back to haunt her.

When they banned the mother of the groom from the wedding, his entire family, including his best man, chose not to go either. His whole family is standing behind his mother. That says a lot to me, and it should say a lot to the young couple. If she loves him at all, the bride to be would stop this travesty. Cutting someone off from their entire family is not a sign of love, and it is a horrible way to start out a marriage. My guess is that this marriage is doomed. Eventually the personality traits that would allow the couple to treat the grooms mother so disrespectfully will seep into their relationship in insidious ways and destroy what they think they have.

I'm lucky. My daughter and her husband were very understanding of my mood swings, and I knew why I was suffering with such anguish. I did not get uninvited to the wedding, and things turned out well in spite of my strange behavior.

I don't things worked out so well for these folks. Dr. Phil should have tried harder to make the bride to be understand where her mother in law was coming from.