Thursday, March 19, 2009

So my sister calls me

I haven't heard from my sister in probably 17 years (or more) and she calls me tonight - out of the blue. I usually don't answer the land line because most of the people who call that number are looking for a local business that is right by my name in the phone book. I looked at the caller id and a former boyfriend's name was on it (the rock climber). Hmmmm, I thought. Why in the hell would this asshole be calling me? I answered because I really wanted to know. It turns out, he wasn't calling me. My sister is now this guys girlfriend, she's living with him and called me from his phone. I'm still not sure what to think. The one thing my sister and mother had most in common was taking my sloppy seconds. She can have him. I don't know why she wants him, but, she can have him.

I tried to tell her he was an abusive alcoholic, but she doesn't see it. She has been with him a year, they have had their knock down, drag outs, and they are still together.

Now, it is close to bed time and I'm all in the fight or flight mode. I really do feel like running just as far and as fast as I possible can. My head knows better. But I also know there will be no sleep for me tonight. She talked to me forever like we had only seen each other last month.

If I thought for one second that she was really calling because she misses me and wants to see if we can be sisters again, I'd be cool with that. But I really think she was calling me thinking she could rub my nose in the "you lost him, now I have him" crap that she and mom always love to do. My stomach churns. I don't know why it bothers me that they are like that.

Anyway, I guess I could be wrong. I guess time will tell. Hey, who can't use more stress in their lives? She says she is about the same kind of alcoholic Dale is, so yes, it would be stress.

On a brighter note - I am now getting good hours at work and am making progress with some clients already! I really like them too. I can't believe I actually have a job where I get to work with every kind of person I ever wanted to work with! This is too cool!

I have to study this weekend for my GRE. They sent me the practice book, and so far I am doing ok with it. I must have done an ok job learning about what I was supposed to learn about.

I hate March madness. I already miss my soaps. Well, ok, that's a lie, but I'd rather see them than stupid basketball.

Ok, I've been writing for a while now. I am no more calm than I was when I started. I really need to figure out why this call has alarmed me so much.


Thursday, March 05, 2009

Funny how things go

Megan decorated a fabulous cake for Valentines Day! It was good too. It gave her and her husband a reason to come visit the following Sunday evening (he loves cake) and while they were here Masterpiece Theater came on. It was the first half of Oliver Twist. Son-in-Law got so caught up in the movie that they both came back the next Sunday to finish watching it with me. Megan comes to visit a lot, but he doesn't usually come. So, that was really cool. The cake was really pretty too!

I've been working really hard. Not many hours, but the hours I get in count. I just got a couple of new clients, so that should bring me up to full time! Yes!

I remember when I got this job that I was nearly in a full panic because I didn't think I was going to find one at all! I worried that people who offered me jobs and withdrew the offers had been given a bad reference from a former boss and not because of bad luck in losing hours. So I was so grateful for this opportunity (I still am!), but I worried that whatever it was that caused the other offers to go south would catch up with me here. My fears weren't all consuming, nor did I dwell on them much, but they hung out in the back of my mind from time to time.

Things weren't what I feared.

Tuesday, I got a call from the agency that was going to hire me for sure, and then the day before I was supposed to get an interview, an emergency happened and they wouldn't have a position after all. They had a job offer for me.

Thursday I got a call from the dept of labor. They had a job match for me.

Today, I got a call from the agency I interviewed for the day after I got this job. They had a position for me.

Apparently, I didn't get those other jobs because hours really were drying up. And now, I don't know why, but people are moving on to other things. One guy was moving off the mainland, a woman was having a baby, and It was too late for them to get me. They snoozed.

I really love this job. It might seem strange to some, but this is the first job I have ever had in which I actually feel like a grown up. No one is breathing down my neck making sure I can account for each second of the time I work. Well, I do have to write notes, and turn in hours to be paid, but no one is telling me "you be here at 7:30 a.m. sharp and don't leave until 3:30 p.m., or later. It really is kind of hard for me to describe. No one feels they have to hold my hand, and no one is behind me cracking a whip. I am treated like I have a brain and know how to use it!

The think I love most about my job is that it is so diverse. I have clients that range from 4 to 55 years old! I get to work with at-risk teens, behaviorally challenged school children, and people with developmental disabilities. I have even started attending drug groups to start accumulating hours towards getting to a place where I can run them myself!

I also like that if I should get accepted into grad school, my hours are flexible enough that I won't have to quit to go back to school! I really like the idea of that!

And, thankfully, I get to start paying off bad debt that I accrued when the ex stopped paying child support. I am so lucky! I get the opportunity to begin paying immediately, even before I managed to get caught up with monthly bills! I can only look at myself for accountability. It was frustrating the first night, but now, I am happy. At least I have a job I love, and I know everything is going to be wonderful. One of the reasons I went to school was so I would have the ability to pay off the debt I racked up trying to raise my high school aged kids (that is when they get expensive, you know). I know I will never see the $15,000 that the ex owes me (a sum of money far less than the few thousand I owe others), and I don't torture myself over it. I always was and will always be the most responsible person in that relationship. I'll never really understand why it is that dead beat dads are not hounded in quite the same was as dead beat credit card users are. It would be a different world if they were. You see, it won't be any time at all until I am not longer a dead-beat credit card user, and in a little more than a year, the ex won't be a dead beat dad. For different reasons (once the youngest child reaches a certain age, the dad no longer has to pay), but the same result.

Life is good. I can't always control what happens in my environment, but I can always choose how I respond. People say life isn't fair. I say life is a challenge. Bring it on! (a remnant of the superstitious part of my psyche wants me to erase the bring it on part just so the unseeable, unknowable powers don't take up that challenge. But I know that is just silly - I'll let you know how that goes!)

Oh! I got my diploma today. It's sooooo purty! (spell check thinks I spelled that wrong!)