Page 18-19 “Hey, wait a minute here. Screw the expectancies; screw living for everyone else. They (whoever ‘they’ are) don’t pay my rent, they don’t come home with me at night and bathe my kids and cook my dinner! Why, then, am I living for what I think some ill-defined bunch of people expect of me? They don’t get a vote anymore. I will no longer give my power away. I want it back, and I’m going to use it to be me.I want to be happy by being true to my self doing what I care about. If I love music, I want to have music in my life. If I want a career, then I want to find a way to have it. If I’m tired of being fat, I want to prioritize that change into my lifestyle. If I’m not being treated with dignity and respect, that’s not okay, not now, not ever. I would rather be alone that sick with someone else. If I miss God being in my life because my husband is not spiritual, then he will need to adjust, not me. I’m tired of being scared all the time. Scared about kids, money, job, boss, parents, and acceptance. I want some upside here. I want to feel alive. I want to feel valued by others and myself. I want to get up in the morning, instead of dreading it. I want to have tremendous clarity about why I am in this world and what I am supposed to do while I am here. I want to realize this is not a dress rehearsal; it is my life, my one shot. I want my kids to know and have all of me instead of some half-assed counterfeit. I want them to really see all of the real me, my interest, my sense of humor, my values. I believe that children learn what they live, and I want to teach them by example to be proud, instead of showing them how to compromise. I want to live with peace, fulfillment, joy, and excitement.
I want to be able to finish a day and say that the day ‘ felt really good.’ I want to be able to say that I am proud of me and proud of what I did today. I want to be able to say, ‘I like who I am and what I’m all about.’ I want to feel calm and peaceful. I want to feel satisfied. I want to be able to say, 'I feel good.’ I want to feel like I belong and I deserve what I want just because--just because! I want to like me for being there for me and putting what’s important to me on my priority list.”Page 31 Not living faithfully to your authentic self creates a void, an ever present feeling that you are incomplete….There’s a restlessness, a yearning emptiness that won’t go away. It’s as if there is a hole in your soul. You try to fill that hole in any number of ways; by smoking or drinking, by incessant working by over investing yourself in a mate or children……You cast about to find something, anything to fill that hole in your heart.
Page 39 But suppose someone confronts you about some aspect of yourself that is not so objective and easily measured, such as your value, your worth, your desirability, or your sensitivity. Those things are not nearly so cut and dried. I can’t show you a quart of your worth, or a pound of your value. Whether it is you or someone else who is “opining” that of you, for example, are worthless, you have to know the facts or you’re dead meat. If you don’t have the absolute bottom-bottom-line scoop on the real deal, you’ll go for the con job like Jesse went for the train.Today I completed a couple of assessments that I am going to post here. You may think this is quite personal, but I can’t think of a better place to chart my progress than this blog. I realize that in the past few months I may not have been as brutally honest as I should have been. It wasn’t because I didn’t want someone reading this and finding me out, it was because I was afraid to write it, because then it would be real. It’s time to get real.The pictures are of the authenticity scale. I scored 103, which is explained on page 50.
71-110 This range suggests that you are operating, most of the time, from a fictional self-concept that has become distorted and is therefore a fictional version of who you really are. It would not be surprising if you were usually confused about what you should be doing, at any time, or what would be the best use of your time. You may be bewildered about what the world expects of you, and you may feel really disconnected from your life. In many ways, a score in this range is the most problematic: The person who scores here may be aware of his or her fictional self and may understand that life doesn’t not have to be this way, but he or she may also fear the responsibility of change.
I feel that this is a very accurate description of how I feel, and why I feel this way. I look forward to fixing it.The following is a congruency test.Circle all the words that you think describe the ideal person you want to be, the person you believe is the full potential of who you are and will ever be.Pretty attractive beautiful nice-looking appealing cool sweet spiritual wise nice friendly faithful leader strong supportive moral ethical principled good honest decent warm loving tender warmhearted demonstrable caring kind affectionate hospitable welcoming amiable cheerful passionate fiery enthusiastic zealous arrogant egocentric altruistic sympathetic humane selfless philanthropic smart dependent free gentle thoughtful domineering submissive autonomous creative compassionate self-sufficient private liberated conventional objective elegant clever stylish intelligent quick charming tidy neat thoughtful attentive careful watchful alert reliable inspired inventive resourceful ingenious productive exciting energetic lively vigorous bouncy active joyful blissful pleased ecstatic cheery sane rational sensible reasonable normal complete capable genuine inspiring proud approachable peaceful honest giving nurturing accomplished whole perfect undivided achiever great confident compassionate content humble unassuming happy satisfied comfortable at ease relaxed able knowledgeable skilled proficient expert adept rich wealthy affluent prosperous full gorgeous valuable abundant fruitful powerful deep productive prolific understanding dynamic useful helpful constructive beneficial positive functional worthwhileTotal Circled words (Total Potential Score)=___128______________Circle the words below that describe how you actually are at the present.Pretty attractive beautiful nice-looking appealing cool sweet spiritual wise nice friendly faithful leader strong supportive moral ethical principled good honest decent warm loving tender warmhearted demonstrable caring kind affectionate hospitable welcoming amiable cheerful passionate fiery enthusiastic zealous arrogant egocentric altruistic sympathetic humane selfless philanthropic smart dependent free gentle thoughtful domineering submissive autonomous creative compassionate self-sufficient private liberated conventional objective elegant clever stylish intelligent quick charming tidy neat thoughtful attentive careful watchful alert reliable inspired inventive resourceful ingenious productive exciting energetic lively vigorous bouncy active joyful blissful pleased ecstatic cheery sane rational sensible reasonable normal complete capable genuine inspiring proud approachable peaceful honest giving nurturing accomplished whole perfect undivided achiever great confident compassionate content humble unassuming happy satisfied comfortable at ease relaxed able knowledgeable skilled proficient expert adept rich wealthy affluent prosperous full gorgeous valuable abundant fruitful powerful deep productive prolific understanding dynamic useful helpful constructive beneficial positive functional worthwhileTotal words circled (actual Self Score)= _____91________91/128=71%. This is in the positive range, with some good aspects of who I really am. However, I am not in touch with my true authentic self and am denying myself some very powerful strengths. I don’t feel worthy of my goals, have some self doubt and lack self confidence in truly appreciating my potential.So, there it is. That’s what I need to work on. The next tasks will be in breaking down the self concepts I have that are in error.On another note, I have a date Friday with a guy that says he signed up on match.com just to meet me. We have talked at length on the phone and this seems really good so far. Time will tell. I know one thing for sure, I will not be making excuses for the red flags. Instead, I will pay attention to them and make decisions based on what is truly best for me and not what some silly dream in my head wants. Yes, I intend to do this with authenticity. I do deserve to be treated with dignity and respect - I need to believe that in my core.
0 comments:
Post a Comment