This is the latest picture of my new grandbaby. It is really starting to look like a baby now too. Still very alien like, but baby none-the-less. You can see the little profile, it looks like it is getting ready to suck its thumb or pick its nose. So, sucking thumb and picking nose - it definitely takes after me! (lol)

We still don't know whether it's a boy or girl, but we do know it is progressing quite well, and everything looks good! I just can't wait to start shopping. All I need to know is - What color!

Updating

It's the only dating I have seen for a while, and the only dating in my foreseeable future.

I am in Grad school now. I have already posted on that. The apartment is still not the best. My new house in Twin is, though. It isn't completely finished, it needs flooring and furniture. To sit on. And the yards need work. But it is a fantastic house. I need to take pictures of it!

It started snowing in September! I don't know what that means for the winter we are about to have, but it isn't funny!Remember last winter when I said I could manage 3 months of winter? Well, I can't manage 6, ok? The good news is that it all melted. The bad news is, there is more in the forcast. Please make it stop! Snow in the mountains is good. Snow in the valley is totally unnecessary!


Zach is enjoying his unemployment. His SSI increase, his rent decreased, and his foodstamps might increase. All in all, he hasn't been hurt financially. He really wants a good job where he doesn't have to deal with people all that much. I wish someone would listen to me and get him a landscaping job.








Now for the fun part.

There is some big news! Really big news!This is my new grandbaby. I think it looks just like me, don't you? The black spot is its brain, and it is facing away from the ultrasound camera. Megan says if you tip it counterclockwise it looks more like a baby. I went to see her weekend before last and we went shopping. New coat, new shirts, new baby cloths! She has been trying to get pregnant for a year now. I put in a blog post last year that I was going to have some really exciting news - she had gotten pregnant. Unfortunately, it ended in miscarriage, as did the next 4. She and I did a lot of research, and decided it was most likely lutein phase deficiency. So this time around, her husband called the doctor and he gave her a prescription for synthetic progesterone. It worked. As you can see. We are all really excited. She is due May 15th, so I might have to miss finals! She better not do that!

I saved the best for last, didn't I?

4 years ago today

October 9th was the 4th anniversary of this blog! I always forget about October being the month of my blogs launch in 2005. I forgot again this year. Next year is the 5th anniversary. Maybe I will remember then?

Dog saves dog

It is probably just anthropomorphic to say that this dog risked his life to save another dog that had been hit by a car (or a few). I wonder why this dog would have done this. It is very strange behavior for a dog, but we don't really know anything about these dogs or what their life experiences are. But there it is, dragging the wounded dog away.

Journaling

What a month this has been! I got my apartment, which I have already written about. I got my sofa bed, which is pictured in a previous post. I have a new computer, not exactly the one pictured, but pretty close. I am learning a ton this semester in school, and I'm surprised because I am so behind right now. I haven't gotten to do much gta work, but they say that will pick up. I hope so. I expect to earn my pay, you know. I am even working on coming up with good questions for my upcoming dissertation.

The apartment thing is working out ok. I did have to clean it to move into it, and there was only one light bulb in the whole place. It stinks to high heaven, and I think it's because the refrigerator doesn't work right. I plan to tell the manager, but I really doubt she will do anything about it - she hasn't done much of anything she said she was going to do yet (like replace the light bulbs, and the shower curtain rod). It's on the 3rd floor, so I get a little exercise.

My sofa couch isn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but then, hey, $99.99! I have an air mattress that I put on top of it for bed, and it is really comfortable like that. The night I got the sofa bed was the first night I actually slept since getting my apartment.

Getting this computer was an ordeal. The one I wanted from Staples was $50 less than this one, but none of the Staples here or in Boise had one in stock. I bought one on Friday from Office Max in Twin Falls, took it home, turned it on, and ---nothing---. I called the HP service line, and she suggested I send it in and they would send me another one in 5 days. Yeah, right. I just bought the think, I wasn't going to wait 5 days for it. I took it back to the store to get another one, and they didn't have one. So the manager suggested I go to one of the stores in Pocatello or Boise Saturday (the last day of the sale). I thought, hey! I'll visit Megan. I went to Boise, and Megan was busy all day. I bout this computer at the office max there. Guess what? The charge for both computer purchases came in on Monday, but the credit didn't come in until Tuesday. I got a $102 insufficient charge fee. I went to the bank, they said they couldn't help me (but gave me a claims dispute number). They told me it was office max's fault. So I drove to office max, and he was understanding, but said I would have to call their corporate office. So I went home and called the dispute number, The service rep immediately refunded my account the $102.

So I have my computer and my couch/bed and my apartment.

What I don't have is time enough to catch up on school work for all the searching for apartments, sofa/couches and computers. But I do think that is about to change. I did get to run last night. It felt really good. I don't have to go anywhere to do laundry, because there is a laundry room here in the apartment complex. And now, I only drive home on the weekends - and that might change as soon as I get all my stuff moved into my new house. I will get caught up, It just wouldn't be me if I didn't.

I can't believe how much I am learning. I thought I wasn't learning anything. But I am. I can't believe how cool our brains are. The way it processes the things we perceive. I am not going divulge all secrets here, so you will just have to take my word for it. Or take classes in physiological psychology, sensation and perception and cognition. I find myself becoming more and more convinced that we are just "machines" reacting to and with out environment. The debate between mind and body is all but resolved for me. It is really quite liberating. My destiny is what I make it. I don't have to be perfect, just good. That doesn't mean it isn't fun to speculate, just like it's fun to watch romantic comedies. They're entertaining, but not especially true to life.

I'm going to quit writing for tonight. Eventually I will write something worth reading. Something about a new acquisition of knowledge! And maybe I will have new pictures of Pocatello to post (yet another think I haven't had time for).

How well do you know Cheri? Flowers

Facebook can be fun sometimes. There is an application with which you can create a quiz about yourself, and invited friends to take it. I did just that, and the highest score was 50%. I thought I would use that quiz to create some posts about me. I mean, why not. If you want to take the quiz first before reading about why the answer was what it was go here.

As you recall, I am not addressing these questions in order. Last time I talked about my favorite food which just happens to be lobster. This post will address what my favorite flower is, which is question #5.

My favorite flower is:

a) rose
b) lilac
c) iris
d) daisy
e) carnation

My ex husband bought a e) carnation for me when I was mad that he hadn't come home for Valentines day. Needless to say, they don't rank up there as a favorite flower at all. He bought it thinking it was a a) rose. I do love roses, they smell so good and are so sophisticated. But they aren't my favorite. I have a picture of a type of d) daisy on my blog. This particular daisy is quite unexpected. The colors contrast with gusto. It is a cute little daisy. But daisies have never been my favorite. I love c) irises. My grandma used to grow them in her yard. I used to grow them in my flower garden, and my neighbor thinks they are to die for. I reallly like the ones that smell like root beer. They really come in a cool variety of color combinations and styles. Some look like they have ruffles, some are plain, some have really cool beards. As much as I like them, they are not my favorite. My favorite flower blooms in the spring. Their aroma permeates the whole world it seems. They are a soft purple, pink or white. Nothing rocks my world like sticking my nose into a b) lilac bush.

This question was really a hard one for people who know me because I really do love irises and roses too. But lilacs, for some unexplainable reason, are my favorite.

It's time for a new post

I have a lot to say. Really. Unfortunately, I don't have time to say it all. Well, maybe not unfortunately for you :)

So, I am back in school. Grad school. I feel like I have been moving non stop for three weeks now with stopping to breath for short moments. I finally got an apartment in Pocatello, and have spent two nights in it. It's not much of an apartment, it was dirty and I had to clean it. It is an old building and I climb three flights of stairs to get to it (something that hit home when I brought stuff from home this weekend and made multiple trips up carrying heavy loads). I am in classes with some of the brightest, articulate kids I have ever seen! So far, I am behind in all of my work, and I look at these kids and wonder how I got lucky enough to be in the same program they are in. Hopefully, I'll catch up and not feel so inadequate. The new apartment will help.

I was moving stuff out of my old home and taking some to my new house and some to my new apartment. I got to a place where it finally looks like I really don't live there anymore. I burst into tears. This is the house my grandma and grandpa bought when I was 4 years old. When I was a tween, they moved into it, and I spent the best years of my youth in this house. I raised my two children in this house. It has always been my home. Until this weekend.

I cried half way to Pocatello. I finally managed to stop by reminding myself that the house is falling apart and really isn't any fun to live in. Eventually, the bathroom floor will cave in. My new house is amazing. My dad built it. It has lots of room for my art, for exercise, for visiting kids (grandkids someday) and it will definitely outlive me. It's pretty too. My dad built all of the kitchen cabinets by hand with recycled wood. It is so pretty! I know I am going to be building a lot of really happy memories in that house. Nothing to be sad about there. The truth is, it isn't the house that makes a home. It's the people who live in it who make it warm and wonderful.

I think Zach might actually have a real friend now. That is really wonderful. They seem to get along really well, and seem to be on the same level. I hope this really lasts for him.

I'm getting a new computer this week. It's a HP Pavilion dv4-1430us Entertainment Laptop. It's not a macbook. I seriously considered one because a fellow grad student told me they are wonderful. Unfortunately, they are hard to come by around here, which I think is a bit of a problem. They are also about three times as much as what I will be paying for this new hp. I have had really good luck with hp so far. It has a lot more memory and capability than my current computer. And its battery should last long enough to take notes in class. This computer dies after about 18 minutes now. I am going to give this one to Zach. He is so excited about it too.

I am also planning to get this sofa/bed. If I buy it from Target online it's $159.99. It was on sale this weekend at Target in Twin, but they didn't have any left, so they gave me a rain check that is good until 9/22. It also says it is good at all Target stores for $99.99, but not online. I am going to drive to Idaho Falls to see if they have one this week. It will be nice because I am sleeping on an air mattress, which is comfortable, but it's hard to get up from it. Being that it is on the floor and all. I am getting old, and standing up from the floor is getting more difficult all the time.

My sister friended me on myspace. I knew she had a myspace page, and was keeping tabs on her. But after she friended me she was bragging about having a date night with Dale and how excited she was. Then, the day after, she wrote about how awful the date went because she and Dale got so drunk. Apparently he hasn't been treating her very well. Who could have guessed that? I really wanted to comment on her date by saying I am so glad he isn't my headache any more, but I didn't. I thought that might be too mean. Funny, but mean. Truthful, but mean.

I only get a few tv channels here in my new apartment. I only get ABC. No PBS, no CBS, and no NBC. Jimmy Kimmel is on now. I am so not laughing. I am so not amused.

Did you read about the president's speech. I thought it was great. I wish someone had told me those things when I was a kid. This country is in trouble, though. There were parents who actually pulled their kids out of school today so they wouldn't see it. How sad is it that people have been so brainwashed by the right wing pundits that they won't trust the president of the United States of America to address our kids. We elected this person. He is trying to do the things we asked him to do. No one is happy with him because he is doing the job his way. Liberals don't think he is going far enough, conservatives think he is going to far. Is Democracy doomed to fail? I think we will see the answer to that in my lifetime.

Hmm. I guess I did have time to write about it all.

Fishing on Thursday

I took Zach fishing on Saturday. I am posting the pictures of all of the fish we caught. What, you don't see them?
Zach can go fishing every Thursday and Saturday now. He can do anything he wants on Thursday and Saturday now. His bosses at McDonalds have relieved him of his employment. It was a pretty shabby deal. I could fight this and make them give his job back, but why? He has been unhappy there ever since the new manager started. His work environment was filled with people who got away with calling him the r word and treating him badly. Now, maybe Voc Rehab will get serious and find Zach a job that he actually likes. One he can actually be truly successful at. One in which being autistic isn't a detriment.
There were no fish at the end of the fish stringer. Just our drinks being cooled by the water.
When it comes to employing people with disabilities, did you know that autistic people have the hardest time finding work? It's perfectly acceptable to put people who look disabled in the restaurants cleaning, or in supermarket entrances to greet, but if they don't look disabled, it doesn't happen. People still don't understand autism. People are always staring at Zach like he is something of fear or disgust. That isn't likely to change any time soon, either.
When the parents of autistic children get together and create organizations like autism speaks and make videos about how badly their autistic child ruined their lives and would be better off dead, what is the rest of the world supposed to think? Autism isn't worse than death. Autism isn't something to fear. Autism isn't disgusting. Autistic people do belong. Small words in a hateful world.
There were lots of dragonflies where we were fishing. I think it was too hot for the fish, and Zach really didn't want to stay until it cooled off. I was a little bummed, but we still had fun anyway. Niagara Springs was just as pretty as I remembered. If you are ever out this way, you'll have to check them out.

Holding on to summer

Ok, so I'm supposed to be writing progress notes right now. I only have 7 to do, so it won't take more than an hour and a half. I have to turn them in tomorrow so I can get paid. If I were good, I would write those 7 progress reports plus the one I have so far this week. Then I should only have 3 left to write for this week, assuming I don't have any more no shows. This PSR stuff really sucks. I am one of those dependable people who shows up when expected to and leave when the time comes. My clients do not share this part of my OCD. But, if they were all good at making appointments and maintaining a schedule with any regularity, they wouldn't need PSR, would they?

Next week I start school, anyway. I got my ISU email account back, and I just went through and deleted all of the old stuff that can't possibly really matter now that I have already earned my bs. And besides, I need something to do besides progress notes.

I am already missing this summer. It is quite gone yet, but the hot weather is letting go and the cold weather is inching closer. Do you remember the summers that seemed to last forever? Kids don't have well developed internal time keepers. It is a wonderful thing. Of course, it also works against kids in the middle of winter while sitting in a classroom in which the teacher is droning on and on and on. But summers, they had some staying power.


So I was sitting this weekend, watching tv from my front yard, because I really needed to start moving into my new house, when a dragonfly came to visit. I took a lot of pictures of the cute little fella. They really have cool faces, don't you think? (click on the picture to make it big enough to see!) Then I was looking at the leaves in my willow trees, and noticed how cool they looked the way the light was hitting them. I really like the picture I am posting here. It's like a background picture for a note, but there is no note. I am leaving it blank. Every time I look at it, I can fill in the blank with the feelings it brings. Its meaning will change over time. That is one of my favorite things about good art. It means what it needs to mean, when it needs to mean it.

Procrastination. I wonder if I procrastinate so badly because I am so reluctant to give up any more of my remaining time than I have to? I doesn't work, of course. It does seem, however, that the more things one does, the busier they are, the more quickly time flies by. Maybe I'm just middle aged or something. I can't get back any of the time that has passed me by, and I can't slow down the time that is coming. Is that a good enough reason to feel sad?

How well do you know Cheri? Food

Facebook can be fun sometimes. There is an application with which you can create a quiz about yourself, and invited friends to take it. I did just that, and the highest score was 50%. I thought I would use that quiz to create some posts about me. I mean, why not. If you want to take the quiz first before reading about why the answer was what it was go here.

As you recall, I am not addressing these questions in order. Last time I talked about the craziest thing I would do if I won the lottery, and it turns out that I do not think it's crazy to quit your job and go back to school, if not permanently, at least as long as I can afford to. This post will address what my favorite food is, which is question #4.

4) My favorite food is
a) strawberry shortcake
b) pizza
c) salmon
d) lobster
e) home-made brownies

I love food. There are so many foods I love that it is quicker to say what I don't like. Black licorice and custard. I hate black licorice, and I don't like custard, though I can tolerate it in some dishes. But this question isn't about what I hate, it's about what I love. And, I love a) strawberry shortcake. I eat plenty of it in the spring - every spring. Oh, how I love strawberry shortcake. But, it isn't my favorite. I love e) home-made brownies, too, which is the answer all of the women who took the quiz picked (was it just a lucky guess on the son-in-law's part?) Who doesn't love b) pizza? I don't think I know that person, and I'm not sure I'd want to. That's obviously a snotty over-exaggeration. But as much fun as pizza is, it isn't it. c) Salmon. But only when it's cooked right. Ok, and sometimes when it isn't. I love salmon, but it isn't even my favorite fish. Trout is. Trout is my favorite fish probably because it typically follows a long day of fishing with loved ones. That leaves d) lobster. I would eat lobster every day if I could. But then, if I could eat it everyday, it might not be my favorite. I do love lobster. Not the Mediterranean lobster at red lobster - way too much seasoning, can't taste the lobster. Just broil me up a tail and let me have at it. It would probably go good on pizza too! With a side of salmon. I can't decide if I want the home-made brownie or strawberry shortcake for desert. So I'll have both!

How well do you know Cheri?

Facebook can be fun sometimes. There is an application with which you can create a quiz about yourself, and invited friends to take it. I did just that, and the highest score was 50%. I thought I would use that quiz to create some posts about me. I mean, why not. If you want to take the quiz first before reading about why the answer was what it was go here.

I will start the posts not in numerical order, but in order of the questions that I felt had the most interesting results. And that just so happens to bring us to question #1.

1. If I won the lottery, what is the craziest thing I would do?
a. Throw $1 bills out of an airplane
b. Buy an energy efficient smart car
c. Shovel change into a wishing well
d. Quit my job and go back to school - permanently
e. Buy the local movie theaters for free movie days

Ok. Most people thought the answer to this question was d: quit my job and go back to school - permanently. But that isn't crazy! It isn't is it? Well, it doesn't seem that crazy to me. I would do it. But I don't think it's crazy. I would also b: buy an energy efficient smart care. Definitely. That isn't crazy either - at all I say. I would also try my best to e: buy out all of the local movie theaters, which all happen to be owned by one man. I hate his monopoly, and I would have free movie days - for everyone. Crazy? Perhaps, but it would be fun. The only one that I would not do in these choices is a: throw $1 bills out of an airplane. I would throw myself out of an airplane, but throwing the money would just be wasteful in my opinion. Crazy, yes. Wasteful, yes. Fun, no. That leaves the answer. C. Shovel change into a wishing well. I think that would be crazy! There is some commercial on tv about not throwing money away and it shows a woman shoveling money into a wishing well. It's crazy, but I would do it! I would make sure the money in the well went to a charity, of course. It's crazy because shoveling change would be like running your fingernails down a chalk board. But imagine all the strange looks people would give you! Totally worth it.

Next time, I'll talk about my favorite food.

Graduate school

Well, I got a letter from ISU today. It was one of those response letters letting you know whether you were going to be accepted or not. I know I had a great GPA, and some great letters of recommendation. I even had the head of the psychology department urging me to do it. My GRE scores sucked, however. I remember crying all the way home from LeGrande Oregon because I only got low 500s on both the qualitative and quantitative. And I procrastinated for a long time. I guess I just wasn't sure this was something I could do. I just wasn't sure I deserved it. I was wrong. I got accepted! That's right! I got a letter today congratulating me, informing me that I was chosen for the program. I was also chosen to get a teaching assistantship in which my tuition was paid, I have health coverage, and I will be paid a little over $9000/yr for being a teaching assistant for 20 hours a week!

To be honest, I was really surprised at how excited I was. It was just Monday night that I was dragging my butt from store to store looking for french combs (with no success) thinking about this job I have. I have clients I love and some that break my heart. But even on my best week (last week) I only got in 34 hours - and that was definitely a fluke. This week, I already have 4 hours of cancelled appointments, so no 30 hr week this week. I was thinking that I really wasn't getting anything for going to school and working so hard. I was kicking myself for not working harder to study the math part of the gre. I thought I knew that stuff well enough - but I didn't. And my daughter is in Boise, and I miss her. It was one of those doldrum moments that feels like it will never pass.

Then Megan called when I got home, she missed me too. We started talking about foster kids and parents and how the experience I am getting now really helps me to see things from all perspectives. The only people who really lose are the kids. No matter what - even when things turn out for the best, the children are the ones who have to pay the piper. They learn a set of behaviors in one place, have to learn new behaviors in another, and then often in more places. People say children are resilient. Damn it sucks when they have to be. Some day, I would really like to be a foster parent. I think I'd be good at it. I'd take the really hurt children. I'd help them work through the pain.

But I digress. When I got the letter the congratulations didn't even register at first. I had to read more of the letter to actually get what it was saying. I starting jumping up and down and screaming, and running around the house. I was all alone of course. This feels so right for me! I didn't even know how much I had let myself want this.

Just think, I can have my master's before Terry Devereaux gets up for parole! Oh, I didn't tell you about Jacob Vasques! He was up for parole last month and didn't get it. I didn't even send in a statement about him or anything and he didn't get it. That was reassuring. It means Terry probably doesn't have a snowballs chance.

But I digress. I am going to graduate school. I feel really happy and hopeful right now. Self soothing techniques work pretty well when I am stressed, but oh they feel so sweet when I am happy. And I had some good news last week too, just not quite as unexpectedly happy. The house my dad was building passed its last inspection. I can start moving in any time I'm ready. It is such a nice house too. I will have an art studio downstairs right next to the exercise room. There are two bedrooms downstairs. Right now, one will be set up as a guest room for when Megan and Steve and future children come to visit. The other will likely be a storage room where I will put a freezer and stuff like that. And shelves so that my dad and I can stack junk up to the ceiling.

But I digress. This post is supposed to be about acceptance into graduate school, not about apricots getting ripe in the back yard right now (Megan), or neighbors down the street yelling at their kids to stop it right now (they need psr), or getting out of this stinking back stabbing feud ridden neighborhood, or finding the french comb I did have, or anything else like that.

It's about getting accepted into graduate school. Oh yeah! It's sweet. I'm going now.

July post (one of one or many?

Well, the 4th of July happened last Saturday. I am only getting around to posting it today.

Megan, her husband Steve, Zach and I all went to Buhl for the Sagebrush day's fun run/walk. It was Zach's first competitive run since the half marathon. He only started training for it a few weeks ago, but he did pretty good anyway, coming in above the 50% mark. Steve was first in his age-group. Megan and I were suffering from overuse injuries obtained while following a runner's world beginning running training schedule. I will start training again when I am all healed, just not using this training schedule. She and I walked. We didn't walk very fast at first, but when we did, I had a heck of a time keeping up with her. She walks fast! We passed tons of people in the end, yet we still didn't place very well. I really think a lot of those people who were supposed to be walking started out running. That's cheating of course, but I am pretty sure they did.



When the race was over, we came to my house where I barbecued a rack of pork ribs. The kids went to get my dad, and that took longer than we thought it would, so the ribs were over-done, but still good. The corn was $.10 and ear at the new Walmart, so I got some. It wasn't too bad, small, but good.

We visited for a long time, then Steve and Megan went home. Zach took a nap, and then we went to CSI for the fireworks show. I had taken some advice from the internet. I think this advice was meant for places where the wind doesn't blow. I practiced the night before on some little fireworks Zach bought. I thought some of them turned out ok, grainy, but cool anyway. I thought I knew what I was doing when I headed off to the big show. My pictures there were all blurry, apparently I have no idea what the hyperfocal distance is, and the ones where the f-stop was set higher than 8 didn't look like fireworks at all. So, the pictures were disappointing, but, there is always next year.

The house my dad is building for me, is nearly ready for inspection. I have to convince Zach to come help us weld some grates for the window wells, the driveway has been poured, and it will be all good. My dad is really hoping to be done with it so that he can get on with his retirement, which will be filled with fixing up vintage cars, of course.

I thought I would be making good money this summer. I was wrong. It is hard to get people to keep their appointments in the summer time. They get so busy having fun I guess. They must think they don't need me so much. When school starts, I won't have enough time to fit them all in after school. Figures.

Zach and I went for a walk in Rock Creek canyon a few weeks before the fun run. I took pictures, but didn't like then when I got home. They aren't the best, but some are kind of cool. I really need to find more time to play with camera settings and really learn how this thing works. I like the picture of the shy snake as he rushed away to the creek. Zach spotted it. I just took pictures until it was gone. The robin was also hard to photograph. I think he was pretty sure I wanted him for dinner. The roses were pretty that day and smelled wonderful.

I am also in the mid to end stages of the daisy painting I have been working on for some years. I bought the pretty little daisies because Megan said she like them so much. Then I took pictures of them (all with the old camera) and found one I thought would look good painted. I then printed it out, laid a graph on it, then transferred the shape to a canvas that had been prepared by painting a black background with a rectangle of green leaf shapes. Then I blocked in the flower and left it for a couple of years. now I have revived the project and I think I am going to like the outcome. It was funny how the flower changed shapes with the picture taken from different perspectives. It really does seem to be coming out of the canvas. It is a fun project for me right now. The dragon I drew for a client. I gave it to him for meeting his goals. It's kind of weird looking, isn't it?

I have another project I need to get started on. I have to learn how to crochet baby booties and blankets. Not just for pregnant clients either. Megan has conceived. The due date should be on her birthday. Fingers crossed.

Wow, blogger is weird today. I couldn't move my pictures without a lot of trouble, then spellcheck said some words were spelled wrong and gave me alternatives that were exactly what I had typed! What is going on?!?

When Life moves on - with or with out you

I don't think I have ever gone so long without posting to this blog. Life has been quite busy for me.

As I usually do, I took pictures of Shoshone Falls a couple of weeks ago when it was running a full head of water. We didn't get much snow this winter, but we got tons of rain. We are still getting rain! When that happens, the dams let more water out to prevent flooding, so more water rushes over the falls.

Our illustrious (yeah right) parks and recreation director doesn't want a zip line or rock climbs in Shoshone Falls park because he doesn't want a circus atmosphere, but he makes sure to advertise when the falls are running at full force. It was such a madhouse down there that I actually ended up parking a half mile from the canyon and walking down to the falls. No circus atmostphere there that day! The park was so packed with people that it wasn't any fun. But, I took my pictures anyway.

Megan moved to Merridian with her husband last week. That was really sad for me. A lot of people think I am being a baby crying about it as much as I have, but I feel like I lost my heart. It will be good for her, her husband will be making good money when he gets done with pharmacy school. Boise is big and busy, and there are lots of things to do there. I hope she doesn't fall in love with it too much - I really want her to come back. It's just hard for me.

My job seems to take a lot of my time, and I don't get paid for all of it. I only get paid for the billable hours I actually spend working with individuals and their supoorts. But it is definitely not boring. I guess I have to learn to take longer to say what I need to say. Instead of a 2 minute phone call, I need a 7 minute phone call, that way I can bill for it. I waste a lot of phone calls by not asking about how things are going. Actually, I only found out last week that I could bill individuals for phone calls. So I will definitly make more of it in the future. Kind of silly, isn't it. It only amounts to $3.75 a call, but that does add up.

I really love the variety of clients I have. I stated going into college that I wanted to work with developmentally disabled people and at risk teens, and victims of child abuse, and I get to that here. I also get to work wtih children who have been removed from negligent/addicted/incompetent parents too. I also get to work with some negligent/addicted/incompetent parents too. Eventually I will be working with people who have mental health issues such as schizzophrenia, schizo-affective distorder and other medicatable disorders that have issues with the law. I watched Frontline last week and that show was all about the people who have mental health issues that prevent them from being able to take care of themselves on there own. They keep ending up in jail because they don't take their medication, and can't find the help they need to make their lives work. I will be working with people to help them be successful outside of a prison cell or mental institution. Cool, huh? I think so. I am also getting in hours in drug groups so that I can start doing that too! I am learning a lot.

The thing with my sister never went anywhere. She left the ball in my court and I think I may have lost it somewhere. I was never much of a ball player anyway. It really did boil down to the idea that I have always wished I could have a good relationship with my sister, just like I have always wished I could have a good relationship with my mother. It can't happen, though, and I am so much better off without it right now. I realize they boythwere terribly abused as children. Things weren't so great for me either. I just managed to put it behind me and not let it dictate how the rest of my life will go, and they didn't. I didn't break them, and I can't fix them. I still think she had some idea that the fact she was with Dale now gave her a leg up on me. Poor girl.

I'm just about ready to start budgeting my money so that I am living like a normal person does. It's kind of fun to get these big paychecks. Well, big compared to what I got at the school district. Not only are they bigger each month, but I get them year round. Because I work year round.

So life went on, even if it didn't end up here until now. And now I have to go see Zach and find out how his meeting without me went today. He is upset with his service coordinator, so I need to help him find another. You see, the service coordinator is supposed to take my place in making sure he is recieving all the help he needs. She isn't doing that, so we need to find one who will.

And tomorrow, I will go to Merridian to see Megan - a big part of the life that went on without me.

So my sister calls me

I haven't heard from my sister in probably 17 years (or more) and she calls me tonight - out of the blue. I usually don't answer the land line because most of the people who call that number are looking for a local business that is right by my name in the phone book. I looked at the caller id and a former boyfriend's name was on it (the rock climber). Hmmmm, I thought. Why in the hell would this asshole be calling me? I answered because I really wanted to know. It turns out, he wasn't calling me. My sister is now this guys girlfriend, she's living with him and called me from his phone. I'm still not sure what to think. The one thing my sister and mother had most in common was taking my sloppy seconds. She can have him. I don't know why she wants him, but, she can have him.

I tried to tell her he was an abusive alcoholic, but she doesn't see it. She has been with him a year, they have had their knock down, drag outs, and they are still together.

Now, it is close to bed time and I'm all in the fight or flight mode. I really do feel like running just as far and as fast as I possible can. My head knows better. But I also know there will be no sleep for me tonight. She talked to me forever like we had only seen each other last month.

If I thought for one second that she was really calling because she misses me and wants to see if we can be sisters again, I'd be cool with that. But I really think she was calling me thinking she could rub my nose in the "you lost him, now I have him" crap that she and mom always love to do. My stomach churns. I don't know why it bothers me that they are like that.

Anyway, I guess I could be wrong. I guess time will tell. Hey, who can't use more stress in their lives? She says she is about the same kind of alcoholic Dale is, so yes, it would be stress.

On a brighter note - I am now getting good hours at work and am making progress with some clients already! I really like them too. I can't believe I actually have a job where I get to work with every kind of person I ever wanted to work with! This is too cool!

I have to study this weekend for my GRE. They sent me the practice book, and so far I am doing ok with it. I must have done an ok job learning about what I was supposed to learn about.

I hate March madness. I already miss my soaps. Well, ok, that's a lie, but I'd rather see them than stupid basketball.

Ok, I've been writing for a while now. I am no more calm than I was when I started. I really need to figure out why this call has alarmed me so much.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Funny how things go

Megan decorated a fabulous cake for Valentines Day! It was good too. It gave her and her husband a reason to come visit the following Sunday evening (he loves cake) and while they were here Masterpiece Theater came on. It was the first half of Oliver Twist. Son-in-Law got so caught up in the movie that they both came back the next Sunday to finish watching it with me. Megan comes to visit a lot, but he doesn't usually come. So, that was really cool. The cake was really pretty too!

I've been working really hard. Not many hours, but the hours I get in count. I just got a couple of new clients, so that should bring me up to full time! Yes!

I remember when I got this job that I was nearly in a full panic because I didn't think I was going to find one at all! I worried that people who offered me jobs and withdrew the offers had been given a bad reference from a former boss and not because of bad luck in losing hours. So I was so grateful for this opportunity (I still am!), but I worried that whatever it was that caused the other offers to go south would catch up with me here. My fears weren't all consuming, nor did I dwell on them much, but they hung out in the back of my mind from time to time.

Things weren't what I feared.

Tuesday, I got a call from the agency that was going to hire me for sure, and then the day before I was supposed to get an interview, an emergency happened and they wouldn't have a position after all. They had a job offer for me.

Thursday I got a call from the dept of labor. They had a job match for me.

Today, I got a call from the agency I interviewed for the day after I got this job. They had a position for me.

Apparently, I didn't get those other jobs because hours really were drying up. And now, I don't know why, but people are moving on to other things. One guy was moving off the mainland, a woman was having a baby, and It was too late for them to get me. They snoozed.

I really love this job. It might seem strange to some, but this is the first job I have ever had in which I actually feel like a grown up. No one is breathing down my neck making sure I can account for each second of the time I work. Well, I do have to write notes, and turn in hours to be paid, but no one is telling me "you be here at 7:30 a.m. sharp and don't leave until 3:30 p.m., or later. It really is kind of hard for me to describe. No one feels they have to hold my hand, and no one is behind me cracking a whip. I am treated like I have a brain and know how to use it!

The think I love most about my job is that it is so diverse. I have clients that range from 4 to 55 years old! I get to work with at-risk teens, behaviorally challenged school children, and people with developmental disabilities. I have even started attending drug groups to start accumulating hours towards getting to a place where I can run them myself!

I also like that if I should get accepted into grad school, my hours are flexible enough that I won't have to quit to go back to school! I really like the idea of that!

And, thankfully, I get to start paying off bad debt that I accrued when the ex stopped paying child support. I am so lucky! I get the opportunity to begin paying immediately, even before I managed to get caught up with monthly bills! I can only look at myself for accountability. It was frustrating the first night, but now, I am happy. At least I have a job I love, and I know everything is going to be wonderful. One of the reasons I went to school was so I would have the ability to pay off the debt I racked up trying to raise my high school aged kids (that is when they get expensive, you know). I know I will never see the $15,000 that the ex owes me (a sum of money far less than the few thousand I owe others), and I don't torture myself over it. I always was and will always be the most responsible person in that relationship. I'll never really understand why it is that dead beat dads are not hounded in quite the same was as dead beat credit card users are. It would be a different world if they were. You see, it won't be any time at all until I am not longer a dead-beat credit card user, and in a little more than a year, the ex won't be a dead beat dad. For different reasons (once the youngest child reaches a certain age, the dad no longer has to pay), but the same result.

Life is good. I can't always control what happens in my environment, but I can always choose how I respond. People say life isn't fair. I say life is a challenge. Bring it on! (a remnant of the superstitious part of my psyche wants me to erase the bring it on part just so the unseeable, unknowable powers don't take up that challenge. But I know that is just silly - I'll let you know how that goes!)

Oh! I got my diploma today. It's sooooo purty! (spell check thinks I spelled that wrong!)

I have a job

It seemed like I would never get a job. The economy is tanking and the state is cutting back hard on medicaid. It seemed like I had looked forever! I hadn't. It had only been a few weeks. But I really was upset the last Friday of January, because I had been offered a part time job that fell through because they lost a client. And the other job was only going to pay $11/hr for a $20/hr job. I felt hopeless. For a minute.

As I was approaching my house I got a call for an interview. So I felt better. Then when I was helping Zach with his shopping, I got a call for another interview. It was a huh! moment. Then the next day (Saturday) I got a call for another interview. That was a whoa! moment. Two interview on Monday, one on Tuesday.

The first interview was exploratory. They didn't really have a position, but they liked my resume, and wanted to see if they had a place for me. (apparently not - I haven't heard from them since). The second interview was for my job. He spent some time selling his agency to me, then offered me the job. I took it.

I went to the job interview on Tuesday, just to see. They have someone who is moving to Hawaii in March. They said they would call me next week sometime to let me know what is going on.

So the job I got was kind of a surprise. Surprise isn't really the word. I am really having a hard time putting a word to the feeling. I'm wondering if I can trust it. It just seems strange to get a job like that, just offered right off, when so many people are looking for work that actually have experience. I don't know why I should doubt it, though. Every job I have ever had that I liked was placed nicely in my lap. Kind of like this job!

The nice thing about this job is that I already have 15 hours a week of clients, and the agency doesn't set my schedule. I negotiate the schedule with the client. What that means is that I can start thinking about working in the ISU lab again, I will have the money to apply for grad school, and I will have money and time to take the GRE. So, if all this really works out like it seems to be, I'll be going to grad school, and still be working with this agency.

I finished reading the treatment manual for the agency. I really like what they do. If they had been around, if I had know about them more recently, I would have had Zach in with them. They don't just work on the behavior, they work on the cognitive aspects of mental disorders as well. I am impressed so far with what I have seen. I think I can really do some good work here. I hope. Of course I can!

I have been making bread on Sundays since becoming poor. Tonight I baked my fourth loaf of bread (the old fashioned way - not a bread machine) and it turned out fabulous. I have also discovered that if I can use 1/3 of the dough to make pizza! And the pizza tonight was fabulous! I must have kneaded that dough perfectly!

It's funny what you can learn about yourself when you have no money. Homemade bread takes several hours, but it is better than the crap you get at the supermarket. It's cheaper too. And homemade pizza is so much better than frozen pizza. And it is much more affordable. And it has the toppings on it you want, or at lease the ones you have on hand. I had left over toppings from last weekend when Zach bought toppings and cheese to go with my crust, pineapple, and spinach.

It is really late now. Or really early. I suppose I aught to hit the sack. (That's what poor people do - but I won't be poor much longer)

The Economy Sucks!

I wasn't going to post until I got a job, but it's the end of January now and I still don't have a job. It has been the most frustrating thing. I got a call for an interview that was supposed to be last Monday, but got cancelled because the school district didn't need the services. That could be true, after all, education isn't immune to economic downturns. Then I thought I had a shoe in with another agency, but they lost a client in the Jerome school district to a day program and the boss was going to have to scramble to make up those hours to the full time employee he already had, so there went the 15 hours a week he wanted to offer me. Friday I had an interview for a developmental specialist position, but they only wanted to pay $11/hr. That's an insult - really, it is. I can get a job making that much money doing half the work with no real responsibility. I was a little miffed.

I have three interviews lined up for next week. I had sent one of the agencies my resume in the mail, one I dropped my resume off at their place of business, and the third I took my resume in and filled out an application. I don't think any of the jobs are full time, but, if they pay a fair wage, and offer me a position, I will take it. After all, this economy can't last forever. If I get a part time job, it will eventually become a full time job.

I'm not ready to panic yet - that will come next week if a job offer doesn't come my way. I hope my troubles really are just bad luck. There is a possibility that my ex-boss is giving me a bad reference. I am planning to test this by having someone call her posing as a prospective employer and find out what she is saying. It may have nothing at all to do with her. I am hoping that is the case. It's just frustrating that two jobs went down the toilet like that.

The really sad part about all of this is that the GRE registration deadline is approaching fast. The fee is $130 and I don't know if I will have it. I will apply for the reduced fee for sure, but if I don't get a job there is no point in it. If I can't take the GRE, there is no graduate school.

I had my birthday this month. I almost forgot it myself, but two people e-mailed me birthday wishes. I had absolutely no idea how they knew it was my birthday! I actually e-mailed one of them to ask if I could put her down as a reference, and told her I had racked my brain and couldn't figure out why she would know it was my birthday! It turns out that Myspace and Facebook tell you a week in advance of your friends' birthdays. I didn't know this because I so rarely visit my networking profiles! Now, I know I'd better check things out at least weekly so I will know if I have birthday wishes to send!

Megan made me a cake. It was beautiful! For a minute. It was delicious! For a day. Now all I have are memories and pictures (wouldn't it be cool if you could take taste pictures - every time you looked at them you could taste it!). But guess what! Valentines day is coming. I'm thinking at least cookies!

There was a hiccup with Zach. In August, a new manager started at McDonalds. Zach kept coming home and telling me that this manger hated him and was trying to fire him. I kept telling Zach to give it time and some patience, and that once he and the new manager got used to each other things would be fine. Well, a few weeks ago Zach brought home a performance update that had checked off as unsatisfactory every single item that had to do with autism. On the bottom it says "30 day probation!" Of course, I'd have none of that. I went in to talk to this manager and set him straight. I wasn't nearly as snotty as I could have been, but apparently I still intimidated the poor guy (note the sarcasm there). We just got things set up for emergency job coaching and are working on long term job coaching so that this crap doesn't happen again.

This guy said he knew how to work with developmentally delayed employees, but he had no clue what autism was - though he kept telling Zach he did! One of his biggest complaints was that Zach didn't look him in the eye when he was talking to him. DUH! One of the most consistent symptoms of autism is lack of eye contact. So I printed off a bunch of information about autism from the internet (because apparently he didn't have time to do it himself), highlighted all of the things that I thought were most relevant to Zach and gave it to him. He did back off on Zach, and though Zach is still raw from the experience, I can see him starting to get back to his old self. Today was the first day of real job coaching, and he got a $6 mystery shopper bonus for doing such a good job!

So, at least Zach is still working.

Megan has two jobs, and one of them is being discontinued due to governmental budget cuts, and the other is in jeopardy because of cuts to the department of Health and Welfare. I guess we shouldn't be too upset. After all, people with disabilities and drug dependence problems don't need any help during economic downturns. I wonder if it will take people roaming the streets homeless and hopeless, stealing from those who have to survive, urinating and defecating in alleys and streets to make people see that cutting this funding is a huge mistake? The justice department has been seriously cut, so it is unlikely any of these people will find relief in jail for a night or two. How much time will be lost teaching people to take care of themselves, to be independent and self advocating. The more people can do for themselves, the less money has to be spent paying someone to do thing for them. I know, there is an economic crisis, but some things shouldn't be dropped.

I have learned to play all of Clementi's Sonatina Op. 36 #1! I still suck at it, but at least I know it! I almost got through it today without having to stop and start from huge mistakes. The last movement is still too new. But I have hope that I will get there. What I really hope is that I suddenly find something to do that keeps me from having time to perfect my performance. You know, like a job.

My neighbor took me to see a movie last weekend. We saw Unborn. There were other movies we would have rather seen but timing chose this movie. The premise of this movie is really good, but I think the arrow missed its mark. I wonder if it all ended up on the cutting room floor. I am not religious, but I really love religious possession movies. Yes, you have to leave your brain at the door and suspend disbelief long enough to be entertained. I hadn't been to a movie in so long that I was willing to make that happen for a couple of hours. Then I got to laugh about it later. She took me to Jakers for calamari and lobster bisque. I didn't know you get get that much food for just $15 at Jakers! When I get that job next week, and get a paycheck, I am definitely returning the favor! I'd never had lobster bisque before because I thought it was a waste of good lobster. I was wrong. I don't believe I've ever had anything that tasted better. And I'm pretty sure it wasn't because I've been eating bread and water for two weeks. Ok, beans and rice too. I miss chicken. I miss sausage. I miss beef. I miss lettuce, and tomatoes and potatoes.

So, there it is.

Skin

No one can sit all alone and watch tv all day. Last Sunday, I lit some candles, made some candy-cane hot chocolate (that I got at the lab Christmas party), cuddled up in my blanket and read a book. It was a book I purchased last summer because Barnes and Noble was having a killer sale. I went looking for The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (which I may write about at a later date), and got At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks, Misquoting Jesus by Bart D. Ehrman (neither of which I have read yet), and Skin by Ted Dekker.

I've read books by Nicholas Sparks that made my heart ache and beat, but I am in no mood for romance right now. I started reading Misquoting Jesus, and it seems interesting, but I needed and escape. Skin is a huge departure from the type of book I typically read, but the bookstore girl gave a rave review, so I bought it. Hey, for $4.00 (that's how much the three books I didn't go to buy were) how could I loose? So, I opened up the book and began to read.

This book takes on a CSI feel early on. It is a fast moving drama/sci-fi with lots of twists and turns. I can't say that I was really surprised at the end, because I had actually guessed that ending at one point. However, there were so many possible endings that you do have to read all the way through to see. And the author writes engagingly enough to make you want to read it.

It begins with a woman traveling to the Utah Nevada border to see her mother who is a part of a cult (what? on the Utah border?). She is driving through a freak storm that is spawning tornadoes - something we don't see much of out here. She nearly hits a truck stopped on the highway, gets out of her car to investigate, and meets two of the main characters in the book. From there the book takes you on a roller coaster ride through crime scene investigation, the mind of a serial killer, and some really strange situations that don't make any sense, and can't be a part of the natural world. Will they solve the mystery and stop the killer in time? You don't know 'till page 389!

Usually I rate books by how long I daydream about them after I'm finished, or how sorry I am that the book actually ended. I was glad to get to the end of this book, and I haven't spent much time daydreaming about it. I don't think that makes it a bad book, though. It is just different from what I'm used to. I didn't really feel connected to the characters, though the author did a good job of painting them. I think the ending explained why, though. It was a fun story to try to keep up with and figure out.

Christmas 2008

Christmas came. It snowed all Christmas Eve and all Christmas Day. Megan and Steve braved the roads home from Richfield, though I can't say they used good judgment in making the trek. A man in Jerome got stuck in the snow storm on Christmas Morning and told/allowed (depending who you listen to) his two small children to walk 10 miles in a blizzard. The little girl died of hypothermia and people are looking for retribution. It is one of the saddest stories I have heard - it ranks right up there with Poor Babes in the Woods.

The snow is nearly all melted away now. That's how it is here. There is still plenty of snow in the mountains (canal officials might disagree), and some ice still covers some side streets. They say that another cold front is coming and we might get more snow, and we'll definitely get more cold. My dad said something that is helping - it is a reframing of an old cold thought. I hate winter, it seems to last forever. But my dad said, "Winter will be over in March, and then it will be warm again". Yes. March. That's only a few months away. Three months, I can do that. A long winter? No. Three months? yes.

Here are some pictures of Christmas at Zach's. Megan took pictures, but for some reason she only wanted to take pictures of me, which I deleted. The first is a picture of Zach's christmas tree, then a picture of his hors devours (saltines and sardines). I 've decided I really like having Christmas and Thanksgiving at Zach's. I don't have to wash the dishes! He had all the dishes rinsed and stuck in the dish washer before I left. He got cable, so we watched the Star Trek TNG marathon all day. They only showed one of my favorite episodes. Oh, well, it was kind of fun anyway.

When I got home, it was late and still snowing. I took some pictures of the snow. Really - it is snow. It's not spirit orbs - it's blurry snow. Although, I might be able to sell one on Ebay, and say that it was a picture of Christmas Spirits! I'll bet I could make enough money to get some more saltine crackers and sardines!







And that was Christmas.