The Economy Sucks!

I wasn't going to post until I got a job, but it's the end of January now and I still don't have a job. It has been the most frustrating thing. I got a call for an interview that was supposed to be last Monday, but got cancelled because the school district didn't need the services. That could be true, after all, education isn't immune to economic downturns. Then I thought I had a shoe in with another agency, but they lost a client in the Jerome school district to a day program and the boss was going to have to scramble to make up those hours to the full time employee he already had, so there went the 15 hours a week he wanted to offer me. Friday I had an interview for a developmental specialist position, but they only wanted to pay $11/hr. That's an insult - really, it is. I can get a job making that much money doing half the work with no real responsibility. I was a little miffed.

I have three interviews lined up for next week. I had sent one of the agencies my resume in the mail, one I dropped my resume off at their place of business, and the third I took my resume in and filled out an application. I don't think any of the jobs are full time, but, if they pay a fair wage, and offer me a position, I will take it. After all, this economy can't last forever. If I get a part time job, it will eventually become a full time job.

I'm not ready to panic yet - that will come next week if a job offer doesn't come my way. I hope my troubles really are just bad luck. There is a possibility that my ex-boss is giving me a bad reference. I am planning to test this by having someone call her posing as a prospective employer and find out what she is saying. It may have nothing at all to do with her. I am hoping that is the case. It's just frustrating that two jobs went down the toilet like that.

The really sad part about all of this is that the GRE registration deadline is approaching fast. The fee is $130 and I don't know if I will have it. I will apply for the reduced fee for sure, but if I don't get a job there is no point in it. If I can't take the GRE, there is no graduate school.

I had my birthday this month. I almost forgot it myself, but two people e-mailed me birthday wishes. I had absolutely no idea how they knew it was my birthday! I actually e-mailed one of them to ask if I could put her down as a reference, and told her I had racked my brain and couldn't figure out why she would know it was my birthday! It turns out that Myspace and Facebook tell you a week in advance of your friends' birthdays. I didn't know this because I so rarely visit my networking profiles! Now, I know I'd better check things out at least weekly so I will know if I have birthday wishes to send!

Megan made me a cake. It was beautiful! For a minute. It was delicious! For a day. Now all I have are memories and pictures (wouldn't it be cool if you could take taste pictures - every time you looked at them you could taste it!). But guess what! Valentines day is coming. I'm thinking at least cookies!

There was a hiccup with Zach. In August, a new manager started at McDonalds. Zach kept coming home and telling me that this manger hated him and was trying to fire him. I kept telling Zach to give it time and some patience, and that once he and the new manager got used to each other things would be fine. Well, a few weeks ago Zach brought home a performance update that had checked off as unsatisfactory every single item that had to do with autism. On the bottom it says "30 day probation!" Of course, I'd have none of that. I went in to talk to this manager and set him straight. I wasn't nearly as snotty as I could have been, but apparently I still intimidated the poor guy (note the sarcasm there). We just got things set up for emergency job coaching and are working on long term job coaching so that this crap doesn't happen again.

This guy said he knew how to work with developmentally delayed employees, but he had no clue what autism was - though he kept telling Zach he did! One of his biggest complaints was that Zach didn't look him in the eye when he was talking to him. DUH! One of the most consistent symptoms of autism is lack of eye contact. So I printed off a bunch of information about autism from the internet (because apparently he didn't have time to do it himself), highlighted all of the things that I thought were most relevant to Zach and gave it to him. He did back off on Zach, and though Zach is still raw from the experience, I can see him starting to get back to his old self. Today was the first day of real job coaching, and he got a $6 mystery shopper bonus for doing such a good job!

So, at least Zach is still working.

Megan has two jobs, and one of them is being discontinued due to governmental budget cuts, and the other is in jeopardy because of cuts to the department of Health and Welfare. I guess we shouldn't be too upset. After all, people with disabilities and drug dependence problems don't need any help during economic downturns. I wonder if it will take people roaming the streets homeless and hopeless, stealing from those who have to survive, urinating and defecating in alleys and streets to make people see that cutting this funding is a huge mistake? The justice department has been seriously cut, so it is unlikely any of these people will find relief in jail for a night or two. How much time will be lost teaching people to take care of themselves, to be independent and self advocating. The more people can do for themselves, the less money has to be spent paying someone to do thing for them. I know, there is an economic crisis, but some things shouldn't be dropped.

I have learned to play all of Clementi's Sonatina Op. 36 #1! I still suck at it, but at least I know it! I almost got through it today without having to stop and start from huge mistakes. The last movement is still too new. But I have hope that I will get there. What I really hope is that I suddenly find something to do that keeps me from having time to perfect my performance. You know, like a job.

My neighbor took me to see a movie last weekend. We saw Unborn. There were other movies we would have rather seen but timing chose this movie. The premise of this movie is really good, but I think the arrow missed its mark. I wonder if it all ended up on the cutting room floor. I am not religious, but I really love religious possession movies. Yes, you have to leave your brain at the door and suspend disbelief long enough to be entertained. I hadn't been to a movie in so long that I was willing to make that happen for a couple of hours. Then I got to laugh about it later. She took me to Jakers for calamari and lobster bisque. I didn't know you get get that much food for just $15 at Jakers! When I get that job next week, and get a paycheck, I am definitely returning the favor! I'd never had lobster bisque before because I thought it was a waste of good lobster. I was wrong. I don't believe I've ever had anything that tasted better. And I'm pretty sure it wasn't because I've been eating bread and water for two weeks. Ok, beans and rice too. I miss chicken. I miss sausage. I miss beef. I miss lettuce, and tomatoes and potatoes.

So, there it is.

Skin

No one can sit all alone and watch tv all day. Last Sunday, I lit some candles, made some candy-cane hot chocolate (that I got at the lab Christmas party), cuddled up in my blanket and read a book. It was a book I purchased last summer because Barnes and Noble was having a killer sale. I went looking for The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (which I may write about at a later date), and got At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks, Misquoting Jesus by Bart D. Ehrman (neither of which I have read yet), and Skin by Ted Dekker.

I've read books by Nicholas Sparks that made my heart ache and beat, but I am in no mood for romance right now. I started reading Misquoting Jesus, and it seems interesting, but I needed and escape. Skin is a huge departure from the type of book I typically read, but the bookstore girl gave a rave review, so I bought it. Hey, for $4.00 (that's how much the three books I didn't go to buy were) how could I loose? So, I opened up the book and began to read.

This book takes on a CSI feel early on. It is a fast moving drama/sci-fi with lots of twists and turns. I can't say that I was really surprised at the end, because I had actually guessed that ending at one point. However, there were so many possible endings that you do have to read all the way through to see. And the author writes engagingly enough to make you want to read it.

It begins with a woman traveling to the Utah Nevada border to see her mother who is a part of a cult (what? on the Utah border?). She is driving through a freak storm that is spawning tornadoes - something we don't see much of out here. She nearly hits a truck stopped on the highway, gets out of her car to investigate, and meets two of the main characters in the book. From there the book takes you on a roller coaster ride through crime scene investigation, the mind of a serial killer, and some really strange situations that don't make any sense, and can't be a part of the natural world. Will they solve the mystery and stop the killer in time? You don't know 'till page 389!

Usually I rate books by how long I daydream about them after I'm finished, or how sorry I am that the book actually ended. I was glad to get to the end of this book, and I haven't spent much time daydreaming about it. I don't think that makes it a bad book, though. It is just different from what I'm used to. I didn't really feel connected to the characters, though the author did a good job of painting them. I think the ending explained why, though. It was a fun story to try to keep up with and figure out.

Christmas 2008

Christmas came. It snowed all Christmas Eve and all Christmas Day. Megan and Steve braved the roads home from Richfield, though I can't say they used good judgment in making the trek. A man in Jerome got stuck in the snow storm on Christmas Morning and told/allowed (depending who you listen to) his two small children to walk 10 miles in a blizzard. The little girl died of hypothermia and people are looking for retribution. It is one of the saddest stories I have heard - it ranks right up there with Poor Babes in the Woods.

The snow is nearly all melted away now. That's how it is here. There is still plenty of snow in the mountains (canal officials might disagree), and some ice still covers some side streets. They say that another cold front is coming and we might get more snow, and we'll definitely get more cold. My dad said something that is helping - it is a reframing of an old cold thought. I hate winter, it seems to last forever. But my dad said, "Winter will be over in March, and then it will be warm again". Yes. March. That's only a few months away. Three months, I can do that. A long winter? No. Three months? yes.

Here are some pictures of Christmas at Zach's. Megan took pictures, but for some reason she only wanted to take pictures of me, which I deleted. The first is a picture of Zach's christmas tree, then a picture of his hors devours (saltines and sardines). I 've decided I really like having Christmas and Thanksgiving at Zach's. I don't have to wash the dishes! He had all the dishes rinsed and stuck in the dish washer before I left. He got cable, so we watched the Star Trek TNG marathon all day. They only showed one of my favorite episodes. Oh, well, it was kind of fun anyway.

When I got home, it was late and still snowing. I took some pictures of the snow. Really - it is snow. It's not spirit orbs - it's blurry snow. Although, I might be able to sell one on Ebay, and say that it was a picture of Christmas Spirits! I'll bet I could make enough money to get some more saltine crackers and sardines!







And that was Christmas.

Car trouble on Teton Pass

There was a power outage on Teton Pass, so I couldn't post a picture. Until now. This is why I love these cameras - especially this one. You get to see the people close up and personal with this camera. The other cameras just show the roads and landscape, but this one shows the people. People when they're coming, people when their going, and people when their car breaks down.

I started looking around at the department of transportation sites, and Utah and Oregon do a pretty good job with the cameras. A good job in that you pick a camera as placed on a map. That way you can daydream about that road trip! Other states have cameras, but you kind of need to know the area to understand them at all. They are listed by location, and I don't know the landscape of most states. It's still fun though.

I really need to get a job.

Idaho Road Conditions

It's too cold and dangerous to go out and take beautiful pictures of the snow today. And I would have a really hard time taking some of the beautiful pictures you can see on the Idaho Road Conditions site. Of course, these pictures were saved at the time, and will not look like this if you go to look now. I love this site.


I love it because it is useful, I know exactly what to expect if I need to travel somewhere in Idaho. But I really love it for the cameras. Sometimes I will spend an hour just looking at the pictures.

During the day, I like to look at the pictures on Teton Pass (just past the Idaho/Wyoming border on the way to Jackson Hole - not pictured here because it was too dark when I posted this) and watch the skiers come and go. I wonder if they know they are being photographed?

Some of the pictures are updated every few minutes, others are not updated quite so frequently. I guess if the weather gets too bad, the camera goes down, but that is to be expected.

I don't know if other states have a system like this. If I find them all, I can imagine I will spend many hours touring the country on my laptop. It is a lot of fun.

3 As and an S means I have a BS

Ok, so there are a couple of -es after the As. I can't seem to get decent grades on finals. I don't know what it is, the final was no more difficult than any of the other tests (they rarely are), but I never do as well. I hope this doesn't transfer to the GRE. I wasn't nervous for this one. I did for this class what I do for all my other classes, and get good enough grades in the beginning to carry me through the final, and I knew I would pass. I just wasn't sure I would get the A. A - doesn't knock me out.

The theatre grade sucks. I'll have you know that up until Monday I had an A+. The teacher waited until Sunday to start grading our work. I don't know how he could have given a fair assessment of the work of 50 some people in one day. It would have been difficult. I don't know if it was the same for everyone else, but the grading included three essays, a group project, the assessment of our group, and several forums. So, in one day I went from A+ to A- and could do absolutely nothing about it. I will never take an online class again - especially not from that teacher.

So, that's it then. I worked hard and now I have a BS (I've always been full of BS, but now I have a degree to prove it!). Now, I need to find a job before they shut my power, water, and internet off. I have to have power for my computer and internet to work, but I might be able to live without water. (kidding)

I don't know how it is everywhere else, but here in Idaho, where the economy is supposed to still be strong, state taxes have been taking a dive, and, of course, the first programs to be cut are those that service poor and disabled people. Medicaid has been slashed. It's not pretty. I would be surprised if I will be able to find a decent job. I guess when you are down to $300, any job works.

So, there it is. I should celebrate.

It's too late to vent!

Last week seemed like a pretty good week. Things were falling into place and the end was in sight.

That was last week.

Friday night when I got home, I got an e-mail from the girl who runs the lab. Apparently, someone had shown up to participate in the study, and the girl assumed I had left too early giving her a penalty in the process. I checked my paper trail, and confirmed that I was in the lab until at least 11:46, at which time I tidied up the lab for the next research assistant, and left. There was no one in the hall. NO ONE! I walked over to the records office to pay my diploma document fee and was sent to the administration bldg to pay it (the records people had gone to lunch), and paid it. I have a receipt that shows I was there at 12:11 p.m. (It doesn't take an hour to get to the quad). I responded to the e-mail reporting as much, hoping that she would realize that she wasn't there until 12:00 and that whoever was waiting for the study wasn't there for an 11:00 appointment. That hasn't happened yet, so when I get up there tomorrow, I will have to straighten that all out.

Then, in theatre class, four of the five of us in the group had our parts done and sent to the web master, who submitted it at 11:00 p.m. Friday night. Saturday morning all of the other projects were up but ours. The web master sprang to action and managed to finally get ahold of the teacher, who had just failed to post it. That was cool. But the girl who didn't submit her part emailed me after 1:00 p.m. on Saturday wanting to know what she was supposed to do for her part and that she hadn't heard from any of us. LIER! I re-sent ALL of the emails I had sent to her (I didn't have access to those sent by the webmaster), and told her the project had been submitted the night before. Well, our project is up, and apparently, a couple of people hate what I did. Oh well.

Then, today, I was finishing up the final draft of my paper for Senior Seminar. I was very diligent in saving after every I finished editing each paragraph, and looked down to see that I had 20 pages of research paper! That was a lot more that I expected and almost twice as much as I had when I started the edits! But, it was finished! I looked at it, smiled and said to myself "one last save and printer, here I come!" and clicked on the save icon. I immediately got an alert telling me that that pathway was not found. Ok, I thought, I'll just save it to the computer and worry about why the jump drive failed later. So I okayed and cancelled out of that mess so I could save it to my laptop, when the whole works word processor shut down. Ok, I thought, I'll just get it going again and hope it kept track of the changes I made to the last paragraph, or redo the changes and print it out. No problem, right? WRONG! It was GONE! DISAPPEARED! GONE WITHOUT A TRACE! I was shocked, but kept hoping that maybe I could still find it. It wasn't on the jump drive. AT ALL. I put the jump drive in the desktop, and it wasn't there! AT ALL! I suppose if I knew how to reassemble computer memory traces, I could have retrieved it and all would be well, but I don't know how to do that. My "tears, they flowed away, like a rivulet at play, with a bubble rubble glubble o'er the ground ground ground." (I don't know who wrote the poem, I have asked for assistance in finding it on my Oral Traditions blog, but have not received any information yet)

The good news is that I had put the really hard edits on a powerpoint for a poster presentation I gave on Thursday (yeah, the one I got so nervous for I couln't remember how to say the word "the" or what it actually means - perhaps a shot of tequilla preceding the incident would have helped?). I remember thinking that I really should cut a lot of that information for the presentation, but I was lazy. I am so glad I'm lazy! All I had to do was go back and try to remember the edits I made to the lit review, and copy and paste the rest of it. It still took me an extra 5 hours, but I did get it done, and it is printed out, and I will have something to turn in. I have even e-mailed it to myself so that if my house burns down tonight, I will still have something to turn it.

Well, I have managed to get through the 3rd movement of this sonatina. Now I only have one left, and it's about as long as the rest of the three movements put together.

And I think I'll be able to get ready for the Physio psych final on Friday. I'll miss that class. It was fun. It's right up there with the Social Psychology class I took with Dr. Simonson, and the Cognitive Processes class I took with Dr. Turley-Ames.

You know, If I had to decide right this minute whether I would apply for more education, I'd say no way. But I know that this moment of stress and explosive crying will pass, and I will once again dream about the possibility of being more than I am. It always works out that way.

And Megan took Zach to the store to get grocieries, so even that turned out ok. It is now 7:10 and NCIS is on. I think I'll take a shower and see if I can do some laundry at Zach's new apartment. He is cooking a pork roast, and it should be getting done pretty soon! (The kid makes a fabulous pork roast!)

No more smoke and steam are pouring from my shattered mountain top. The mountain can be silent now, and rest up for the next explosion.

No free advertising

I just deleted another comment left by someone trying to direct people to his web site to get bailout money. I hate it when people google a word in blogs (recession in this case), then type in a comment without having read the blog post they are commenting on, then leave links to their scam site. I always delete them, and I always will.

Blogger doesn't remember me!

It could be because it has been so long since I last blogged, but still....I can't believe I actually had to type in my user name and password!

Where do I start? So much has happened!

Well, first of all, Zach turned 21. That's drinking age here in the states, and he has been counting the days. But I had to be in Pocatello on his birthday, and didn't get home until 11:30 pm. (I went to see a Shakespeare play-it was set in the early 1900s, and there were no fine young men wearing tights! bummer) Anyway, where was I, oh yeah. On the drive home I called Zach to see if he wanted to go somewhere when I got home and have a beer. He was game.

Apparently, my wonderful brother (said very sarcastically) told Zach that if he went to the Oasis, they would give him a free drink for his birthday. So Zach went. Alone. (aren't wonderful brothers the best? I haven't yet thanked him - I'm still trying to think of non-inflammatory words) Luckily, there was someone there that I have known for a long time. He actually was best friends with my brother growing up - and he was a good guy. He looked after Zach until I got there.

I tried to vary the types of drinks Zach was drinking, hoping he would get sick and get it all out of his system. No such luck. He felt better the next day than I did, and I didn't drink.

Megan decorated a cake for him. It was pretty. She is learning to decorate cakes, and wanted to do a pretty cake. Zach loved it - but we couldn't eat any of it because we went to our favorite all-you-can-eat buffet and ate as much as we could. And then some.

Then, last Monday, Zach was approved for his first apartment! He is all grown up now and out on his own! I Always thought than when he moved out I would have lots of time to myself. It isn't working out that way. He is more needy now than he has been in a long time. But, I think once he gets used to it he will be fine. It is really a cute little apartment. It has a dishwasher, which he really loves. It seems like a safe place to live, and there are several people with disabilities living in his building. They do background checks, so I can only assume he won't be encountering too many bad guys there.

I decided to start learning the rest of sonatina op 36 by clementi. It really wasn't the best idea I've had in a while. I have a poster presentation and paper to finish in senior seminar, a paper to read and write about in physio psych, a project to write in theatre and a presentation to give at this Friday's lab meeting. I have discovered that if I go somewhere else to work, I get something done.

But I usually sit in the living room to do my homework. The tv is usually on to keep me company, but I manage to tune it out most of the time when I'm working. The piano is in the living room, and I usually keep the book open to the page I am working on so I can find my place easy. The notes dance on the page. They beckon, tease and tempt me until I can no longer resist. I put down my homework and sit to learn the music. A puzzle that hasn't been finished. I can't stop thinking about it. The music I have learned swirls and hums in my head. Like a song you don't know the words to that plays over and over again until you learn he words - only then does it let you go. Maybe I'm just loosing it.

So, now it is time for my psychotic reading. Until recently, people in Idaho have been patting themselves on the back because we hadn't been touched by the recession thanks to the great (sarcasm) dairy industry and wise (more sarcasm) city planners who have developed loads of service industries in Twin. Well, the recession is hitting Idaho. Layoffs are happening and the state government is cutting services. I actually wrote about this earlier this year. And that prediction is taking place. No one will ever remember we weren't effected by the recession as early as the rest of the country. I still predict that everyone will want heads to roll when our economy is still in the crapper while the rest of the country is rebounding. For about a year anyway - then we'll catch up!

Well, I'm really tired now, and I hope this makes sense. I'm sure I will have to come back in and edit it a few times before it is right!

Senioritis

I've seen more spectacular sunrises and sunsets in the past month than I have in my entire life. I never take my camera with me, mostly because I'm afraid of theft. There have been a couple so beautiful that they literally brought tears to my eyes. Well, if the sun rises about the time I am hitting the neely area, tears come to my eyes - but not because of beauty. I took some pictures of fall though. Not as pretty, but moving non-the-less. It reminds me of my place in this life.

Just a little more than one month and I'll have earned my BS. I have three class that I really should be more focused on, but my brain is mush!

My theatre class is all online, but that doesn't mean there isn't a lot of work to go along with it. Reading play after play, taking stupid quiz after stupid quiz (stupid because you can re-take them and get 100%), then writing papers and submitting them never to know what your grade on them is. (Frustrating) Then we have to form groups to produce a play - sort of. We just make a powerpoint presentation about what we would do. But trying to get people together on Moodle is really frustrating. The girl who really wanted to start a group with me, wants to be director or web master, has gone a-wall. I don't know what she is doing. And I'm finding it hard to care.

I love biology. I have always loved biology. It's a great science. I love psychology. I have always loved psychology. It's a great way to understand humanity on a scientific level. Put them both together and you have Nirvana. I don't care. My brain is mush, and I can't seem to muster up the energy I need to do my best. I got an 88% on the last test. Why? Was the test unfair? No. Was the information really difficult? No. Was my brain nothing but mush? YES! Do I care? I'm really trying to!

Senior seminar. What can I say about the capstone class. Delay discounting. I suppose I could have tried to do a fake study on the rate of discounting in seniors who still have classes to pass in comparison to juniors who are still into the fun of learning. That's right, my rate of discounting seems to be increasing exponentially each and every minute. Do I care? Well - this is just a pass fail class. I only have to get the points necessary to get a C (C=P, B=P, A=P). So, I keep thinking, "cool, I only have to be a C student in this class, and it doesn't do anything to my grade! If I work harder, I could still be an A student, but what would that really say about me? An A gets the same thing as a C. But I still want to care.

I love the lab. I would love the lab more if we had some participants, but I do keep busy doing things that don't get done when there are a lot of participants. Things like survey data, making PDFs of important research studies, filling in the blank spots, and other stuff that gets left behind during busy times. I find, however, that I don't show up at 8:00 sharp these days. If I don't have a participant until 9, I can't see much reason to get up at 5:30 a.m. I love my sleep.

All of this sounds scary, I know. I'm not talking about not graduating, I can keep things together better than that. What I am talking about is not killing my gpa the last semester of my undergraduate career. I'm talking about making sure that invitation to apply to graduate school is still there.

Graduate school. ISU is most likely getting a PhD program in experimental psychology - which is exactly what I love. I have been very well encouraged to apply. It is agreed that I should take next semester to take the gre, get letters of recommendation and take care of personal matters. If I work hard enough, I could have the PhD I have wanted so badly before I'm old enough to retire! I could very likely be able to get a job teaching at the local community college. That would be cool. I will more likely find a way to make it work for people who have disabilities.

What I want to do is to create a community center for people who have disabilities. This center would be a place where disabled people can go that is safe, fun and inexpensive. It would also be a place where people who have disabilities would find employment. Someone needs to run the place! There would be grounds keeping and greenhouse jobs (Zach would love that), an arts and crafts program, a store where the arts and crafts would be sold, a little movie theater, a buffet/restaurant/coffee shop, a bowling alley, miniature golf, and that's just for starters. A place like that would need cashiers, ticket takers, cleaning crew, hospitality crews, etc. etc. etc.

Parents of adults with disabilities around here are not impressed with the options their offspring have as adults. This would fill this niche. I am sure that I could get these people (many of whom are successful business owners) to help with money and services to get this going. Especially since I don't plan to get rich from it. I would like to set the program up so that it is owned by the disabled people who work and recreate in it.

The thing is, I have no clue as to how to get something like this going. If I were to get a PhD in experimental psychology, I would have the know-how to do the research necessary to determine what programs would be wanted/needed and what steps would be most advantageous for making it happen. Marketing, grant finding, community involvement will be tools for me to use to make it happen. I will never win a large enough lottery to pay for the development and creation of this facility. I can, however, use my intelligence and drive to get money from others to make this dream a reality!

According to grad students, there are options available that allow them to get through grad school without racking up debt. I would have to be a fool not to follow this path that I see before me. I have worked hard to get to this place where I can step onto it! Important people are encouraging me to do this.

I still remember the 18 year old graduating from high school who had no hopes of ever being anything in this world. A housewife/mother was the goal that was given to me. It wasn't the path best suited for me. Good came from it, I have two great kids. But I have wasted a lot of youth not doing some of the things I know I can do.

Oh, well, better late than never.

Good News! It looks like we might really have new president!

I know it's a little early to call this one for sure, after all, it's a long time until January 20, and the supreme court could still get involved, but it really looks like George W. Bush has conceded the office of President of the United states to the guy that got most of the votes last night!

I know, it's little too hopeful, the Bush-Cheney machine is indestructible. But it really looks good for the nation. Dubaya got on the tv this morning and said he would actually help the president-elect out with the transition (hopefully that won't entail any re-programming!).

Does this mean we can start to breath again?

Experience does not equal competence

People continue to compare Palin to Obama and keep coming up with some kind of inequality. The assumption is that experience is all that matters. I know a lot of people (myself included) who have a significant amount of experience doing things they are not competent at. It is downright scary and horrific to work for or next to incompetent people - regardless of their experience.

I'll take competence any day.

The (not so) secret life of squirrels

Our first assignment in Physio Psychology is to observe an animal for an hour and write about the behaviors seen during that time. I thought, cool, I'll just watch the squirrels! Do you know how boring squirrels are? As I look through all the photos I took, I can't help but be acutely aware of how much they look like their cousin, the rat.

This squirrel gets around. I see him all the time. He barked at me the whole time I was picking plumbs out back. He's pretty cocky with the cats, too. Unfortunately, for him, his offspring didn't fare so well with the cats this summer. It's just as well, the neighbor across the street raked up and disposed of all the walnuts that fell out of the trees. I don't think the guy knows that is what the squirrels survive on all winter!

Today, all this squirrel did was dig around in things and eat. His cheeks were all puffy from stuffing foot into them. He's a fat, nasty thing, isn't he?

I haven't named him. I can't think of an appropriate name for him. I'd name him dinner, but it's not likely to be true with him. He doesn't have a good enough personality to call him Rocky (as in Rocky and Bullwinkle), and I don't know how the neighbors would react if I walked out in the yard and called him Cocky! So I just won't call him anything.

Tiger wasn't a lot more interesting today. Lazy old cat. I couldn't even get him to look at me so I could take his picture. Snot!

It Snowed All Friday Night and Saturday

Yes, it is October! Looks and feels more like December, though! I should have posted this Saturday, but I was lazy. I am actually having a stupid dumbhead week. I can't concentrate on anything. It took me four hours to type a two page paper for Theatre class. Four Hours! It never takes that long to write anything! Then I read the chapter for Physio Psyc and when I got there to take the quiz, it looked like greek! I did better than I should have, but could have done better if I hadn't tried to overthink one of the easy questions. Oh well, this will pass. Then I'll be cranky for a couple of weeks. Menopause sucks.

But these pictures are kind of cool.

I have perfect color vision!

I took this test to see if my color vision was ok. The first time I took it it was a 16, but I forgot to capture the screen to prove it. So, I decided to take it again, and the second time I got a perfect score. This is a hard test. It really does fatigue those cones.

We're actually learning about the eye right now in Physio Psych and all I can really tell you is that it is way complicated (at least to me). Creationists want to say that they eye is so perfect it had to be designed, and to them I'd like to say - Yeah, right.

As I took this test, I couldn't help but become acutely aware of the color afterimage effect that takes place. It was really hard to see the difference in some of the hues, and I found myself relying on my non-foveal cones to detect whether I had the squares all put in the right places.

I was really surprised to get such good scores! People have told me my whole life that my color perception was off. Maybe it wasn't MY color perception that was off after all!

Anyway, this is a fun test. Go ahead and try it!

Scrutator: Instead of Homework

I have homework to do, so I think I'll post to my blog instead.

My awesome news didn't work out - yet. So, I'm not going to say what it was, but if it should pan out in the future, you can bet I'll post on it so much that you'll be sick of it!

School is a blast this semester. I get to work in a research lab collecting data from participants. I don't really know how much I am allowed to say about it here - but just be assured that this particular research area could really change the way people with cognitive challenges are educated. Assuming psychology can cross the isle and be accepted by educators. It is really exciting, and I will be keeping my eye out for new training programs.

I watched my first non-elementary school play Thursday. It is a play called Urinetown - The musical. It was dark humor, but I did think it was funny. The cast was amazing. They took a sub-par script and made it funny, interesting and thoughtful. Way to go folks!

Physiological psychology continues to be a blast. I got one of those pointy top letters on my test (barely - which is about average for me). We read the first part of Beak of the Finch by Jonathan Weiner. Then we read a chapter each out of two other books too.

The Beak of the Finch is about researchers who studied Finches in the Galapagos Islands. They were able to demonstrate that natural selection does occur frequently in one direction, then another. They assert that it is the balance of these changes over time that result in evolution. They were among the first researchers to study natural (as opposed to artificial) selection in such a comprehensive way. I like to read about them - wouldn't want to be them. That had to be some of the most uncomfortable field work! I'm glad they did it though - the theory of evolution benefited from it.

The other books were about anthropomorphizing. Humans can't help but think that all animals (cars too?) are like us. Some take it to the extent that all animals should want to be like us. There are two camps on opposite sides in this matter (of course). One camp says that there is no reason to assume that animals do not think and feel much like we do. After all, there is plenty of anecdotal evidence of animals behaving in "human like" ways which indicates that animals do have a consciousness similar to humans. The other camp says that humans are absolutely unique, and that animals are simply stimulus-response machines without thinking and consciousness.

Well, that is really simplified (maybe too simplified), but it gets to the gist of it. We had a really GREAT debate in class about it, though. I just love to debate things we can't possibly know at this point in our development! It kind of boils down to monism/dualism, and knowing we can't know and shouldn't assume. I kind of think that since the nervous systems of many animals are so similar that the outcomes of the processing must be similar too. We sense things very differently from many animals (bats have echolocation, snakes sense heat, etc.), but that doesn't mean that our brains are processing that information in terribly different ways.

As for consciousness (a term with no agreed upon definition), I would like to say it probably is nothing more than the processing of incoming stimuli in a way that allows the organism to respond to the environment in a way that enables survival and reproduction. Computers process incoming stimuli, but not in a way that allows them to respond to and survive/reproduce in their environments. Yet. Mice do, though, just like flies, worms and slugs. Yes, even slugs! What would it be like to be a slug? (a good topic for a NANOWRIMO novel?) Does consciousness have something to do with the nervous system? Is it the neural responses that cause consciousness? The neurotransmitters, the pathways, the action potentials! It would be fun to know. Unfortunately, life is short, and I doubt I will exist when those questions get answers.

In appreciation of drama, we read everyman. It's a dreadfully dull play written in about 1500 by someone called anonymous (Anonymous was sure a prolific writer - but I've never seen a picture of him/her/it, nor do I know where or when he/she/it came from!) (What, you didn't think my joke was funny?). It's a play about a guy finding out he is about do die and will have to atone for his life before god. Since it was written it has been re-written a million gazillion times and is nothing more than cliche. It probably worked for it's time though.

The forum debates have been great, however. Greed, religion (and lack thereof), and casting and production, have all been discussed. The cool thing is that no one seems to really hate me, yet. It's all good.

The news these days has been kind of fun to keep up with in regard to the bailout and presidential election. So much turmoil and chaos and complete uncertainty of how this crisis will play out. - and then there's the bailout! (You had to think that was funny!) I'm just glad to be poor. I work in a field that doesn't go away just because the money dries up, and I own my house outright - no subprimes for me - and I just feel really lucky to be me. I haven't lost anything because of wallstreet.

Ah yes, the news.

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Jeremy Hsu at MSNBC reports that "people love angry faced cars." The study was written to help car makers make cars that people would want to buy. I have a question, however. Do angry faced cars make people more aggressive?

The researchers point out that the human brain in wired to find facial patterns in non-human objects. It isn't always a conscious process, and it's unlikely that most people actually know they are doing it, and to what extent it actually affects them.

If all of the people you saw in a day wore mean and grumpy faces, even without interactions, wouldn't it alter your mood? Wouldn't you end the day feeling down or angry?

I assert that drivers are seeing these mean and aggressive faces everyday when they are driving. It is likely to affect their moods, and, I think, could actually be increasing the serious problem of aggressive driving!

I think it needs a scientific study. Have participants fill out a mood questionnaire when they arrive to determine baseline moods. Then, have half view cars with friendly faces, the other half view cars with mean and aggressive faces. Have the participants fill out the mood questionnaires again, and crunch the numbers to see if there is any significant difference. I hypothesize that there will be a difference, and that people who viewed the angry cars will be more angry and aggressive on the second questionnaire.

But, I'm not in a position to do this study. It would be fun to know though, wouldn't it?

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The presidential debates are in full swing now. No one is talking straight with us, least of all the straight talking work across the isle mavericks. Why is this? I think it's because the media has to spin everything - and not in a responsible meaningful manner that contributes to real substance or real solutions.

The post debate shows are nothing more that the media telling us what to think about the debate. A responsible media might review the main points of the debate so we can think about who has the policies that we think are best. Instead what we get is a group of "undecideds" telling us what to believe - because they are going to decide the election of course - and media "spinners" gleaning the debate for zingers that could decide once and for all who will win the election.

Maybe I'll just catch the rest of the debates online and skip the spin. That's good for me, but what about all of the "undecideds" who are watching the spin? It's depressing.

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I wasn't really planning to write this much. I actually do have some homework to do, and really should get to it. Really, I should!

The Secret

I have a secret. I can't tell you what it is - yet. If all goes well, it will be the most awesomest news!

Actually, I have lots of awesome news! I went into the records office monday to find out if I am set to graduate. Well - yes, now I know I should have gone last semester - but I didn't know it then. So, it turns out I was 3 upper division credits short of graduation requirements. I was flustered - yes. But I have an awesome advisor, and after looking for 45 minutes, she wasn't able to find a late eight-week class for me to take. So, she is letting me work in her lab for the 3 credits. It will be 20 hours a week because it is so late, but it's all good. I actually get to work in the lab that is researching the one thing that really intrigues me the most. How to improve the working memory of people who struggle! I am so excited. Oh - yeah, and I'll get to graduate in December.

My Physiological Psychology class is a blast. We had our first test today. I think I did about average (for me) on the test. I'm sure I passed it. I just love biology.

My senior seminar class is fun. We are learning about temporal discounting. It's a beautiful math model that researchers are using to learn about impulsivity in people. It's kind of cool. I suspect in the end they will learn the correlations they are finding aren't causing or effecting each other, and that it is another factor altogether at work. (like working memory?)

And Zach is all set to start looking for a place to live. It looks like this program he got on is a really good one. Things should work out just fine for him.

I got my bike all fixed, so even if I can't walk/run, I can ride my bike now!

My car is getting some amazing gas mileage! I don't know exactly what is going on - and I only decided yesterday to collect real data to confirm or disconfirm my hypothesis that I am getting more to the gallon.

And then there's the secret news. I can barely stand it!

"We grow good people in our small towns!"

My dad is a bit of a race car guy. He's from a small town. He's not into the round and rounds. He loves drag racing. In the past he has taken me to Boise, and Pocatello to see drag races where big stars were racing. I had no idea who they were, but he did. At the bigger drag races they will have the funny cars. When we went to fire bird they had one of those rocket engine cars. It was loud - especially for a small town girl.


This weekend, the speedway in Gooding was holding some drag races, and my dad invited me to go. So we did.

Now this race was small. Mostly locals, though there was one guy who came all the way from Boise. He didn't win.



Actually, I don't know who won because we got so bored waiting for them to clean the track after some guy dropped his rear end that we decided to go home. But the guy from Boise didn't win. He didn't make it to the second round.








I didn't really know what to think about the name of this guys car truck. It's tacky in just about every way it can be tacky. But doesn't it just scream small town?







Then this guy dumped diesel smoke every time he went. Big, huge, smelly, ugly, black smoke. But then, we weren't there to worry about the environment, were we. Small town folk don't spend much time thinking about God's business.








Flags waved in the wind. The Amercan flag, of course, because small town people are very patriotic. I was in the port-a-potty when they sang the small town favorite song - the national anthem. crap!




While it was fun to watch these guys clean the track with little a little tractor and a mop, it wasn't fun enough to stick around another hour for.


Yeah, I don't how people in small towns are so good, certainly we're no better than people hatched in big towns, but hey - I thought I'd go with it!



ps. I really had a lot of fun hanging out with my dad today. I had fun making fun of the small town folks, but we were there having fun. There were no drunkin brawls, law enforcement wasn't needed, no one got hurt and everyone was nice. Small town nice, but nice none-the-less.