I am ALIVE! and, I'm Jack McCoy of Law and Order

Tonight I am alive. It was close though. This old guy was driving 55-60 mph on the freeway today, which I have no problem with. I do have a problem with the old guy drifting over halfway into the passing lane, yet remaining halfway in the driving lane, just as I m in the process of passing him. I had to hit the brakes, which sent me into a bit of a skid. I had nowhere to go. Couldn't pass him on the left, or the right. It was quite tense. I managed to slow from 88mph to the matching 55 mph in time. Holy cow! I think the whole thing might have scared him almost as much as me. He looked at me as though I had appeared out of nowhere!

So tonight I am winding down watching Law and Order CI. I kind of like this new pair. He's kind of hot, and she's kind of tough. They make an interesting team.

I like to watch all of the Law and orders. I identify with so many characters, but I especially Identify with one savvy lawyer. So I looked around on the net to learn more. And guess what? I'm not just imagining a special connection with Jack. Even though it seemed to be almost an eerie kind of connection, I never really could quite figure it out. Now, I know why...

What Law & Order Character Are You?

Jack McCoy
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And the Winner is....

Me!

For the most confusing leading role in a non-fictitious life.

(winner walks up to the stage, tripping and tearing the bottom of her formal dress - you know, the one I'd like to own!) "I would like to thank the academy for this great honor! I would like to thank my two children, Megan and Zach, sweet little old dog, my dad, my grandparents (god rest their souls – Thanks grandma and grandpa!) and of course my mother who cause most of this utter confusion in my life. Without her I would be just like everyone else in this world, less confused! I would also like to thank my co-stars who….. What? What was that? This isn’t a real award? This is just a picture generated on redkid.net? (a really cool site where I made my highway sign and fortune cookie) Oh, my god! I am so humiliated! This is probably the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me." (Lie) "Thanks a lot you mean, mean people. Oh!" (fake recipient rushes off stage.

PALE BLUE DOT

We are all in this together. We need to start acting like it.

Associations, Affiliations, and the Snake

I was online anyway, so I headed over to the APA.org site. I was prepared to dole out the money for membership. I filled out the application and got my debit card ready. I entered personal, and not so personal, information in all of the appropriate fields, scrolled through the dozens of journal offers with my jaw bouncing off the floor (the one that interested me was $78), until I finally got to the end. I found out at the end that it is not an online application. No instant gratification for me here today! So I will print out the application, write a check, mail it in, and wait. I have time, and I will use that time to try to make new roads and connections to my future.

I think I will definitely check into the Psi Chi chapter at ISU. I have felt a little shy about joining in with the college groups and scenes because of the great deal of ripeness I have in comparison to most of the students here. I wonder if I could really have that much in common with many of them. Is an interest in having a career in psychology enough? It is a question that deserves an answer, so I will look into it.

I really like the idea of connecting and associating with people who are ethically minded. I have labored more than a decade interning in the field I love. During that time, I have worked with people who weren’t terribly ethical or easy to work with (not the clients, they were always ethical and collaborative). I have learned that I can work with almost anyone. I have also learned that I could improve a great deal in the area of courage: standing up for those who can’t, even when it means hardship for me.

Even at my age, with all of my experience, and all of my ripeness, I still have a lot to learn. I hope one of the things I learn best is how to connect with people who, like me, really want to help those who need it most. I hope to find people who do not rely on cognitive heuristics to navigate through life. I hope to meet and bond with those who are willing to do the work to make this world a better place. I will give the organizations available a chance to help me get there.

The picture is a section of the snake river taken at a rest stop near Massacre Rocks. I took tons of pictures, and this was the only one the survived the deletion process.

The Madhatter and Me

Hey, it's Friday night, I'm single, available, and old fun. But I'm am sitting here alone, again, as usual. So I started looking online to see if anybody out there would even want to spend time with me, and guess what, someone out there WOULD like to spend time with me! See?

Would the MADhatter dine with you?

The MADhatter would love to dine with you! He immediately senses that you are an excitable eccentric mess who is in desperate need of some direct madness! The evening runs smothley and you eat crazy dishes from the very corners of Wonderland. After dining you do a several tribal dances and twirl and shout war cries. After all this you paint yourself with multicoloured paints and celebrate the end of the evening by shooting colourful streamers at bunny rabbits. He then lulls you into a deep sleep and sends you home flying a beautiful bird.
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Gematriculator Seal of Approval

My Personality Disorder: OCD

So how did I make through Childhood and rate only one moderate, and that being OCD? I thought for sure I would rate higher on Avoidant Disorder too! Really though, how did I do it? You realize that moderate rating does not qualify for a true disorder, however. In order for it to be classified as a true disorder, it has to seriously effect my ability to function in society. And I seem to be functioning as well as anyone else is.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Low
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Disorder:	Low
Narcissistic Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Disorder:	Low
Dependent Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

I'm Not Skeptical About My Destiny!

I was rather amused by the commotion that was caused by my messenger this weekend. I did just happen to tune into the Oprah Winfrey Show (as I often do) last Friday, while holding a check for the rest of my separation benefit (that’s right, there was more), and about to have an anxiety attack due to the overwhelming feeling that I would be made to pay some day soon. Her guests were talking about The Secret by Jack Canfield. I don’t really recall exactly what it was they were saying at that moment, but it brought me back from the depths.

God, or the Universe, or whatever powers that may be, truly want us to live our lives authentically, and those powers will make available any and all means to get us there. Life isn’t supposed to be about beating your head against walls, or enduring endless pain and disappointment. Life is supposed to be meaningful. Instead of pain, we are meant to know joy.

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer calls it The Power of Intention. He’s a guy who does a program for PBS during their pledge-a-thon in March who gives a similar spiel. It goes something like this: If you want something in your life, just ask for it, expect it, believe you are intended for it, and it will come to you. The biggest part of it is to know you have a right to be your authentic self. If you are willing to send the energy of yourself out into the universe, your desires will be met.

The authors of The Secret also believe that we just need to ask. But before we ask, we need to know what is truly in our hearts. They say one way to figure that out is to write down what we know we don’t want in our lives, then, ask for the opposite. That does seem a little too superficial to me, however, because, the hardest thing to do is to learn who you are authentically meant to be.

I still have to finish the Self Matters work I started (if anyone was keeping track). I have a feeling Dr. Phil gets you close to understanding your authentic self. Before you can tune into who you really are, you have to be quiet enough to listen. The answers are all there. Even for those skeptics who like to chide people who believe in something that cannot be scientifically proven.

Of course, the best way to find your authenticity is to ask. As long as you are moving toward your destiny, and believing that you actually have a destiny, you will find yourself.

Another way to see it is like this:

“Think of this: a car driving through the night, the headlights only go a
hundred to two hundred feet forward. And you can make it all the way from
California to New York driving through the dark 'cause all you have to see is
the next two hundred feet. That's how life tends to unfold before us. If we just
trust that the next 200 feet will unfold after that and the next 200 feet will
...your life will keep unfolding and it will eventually get you to the
destination.” -Jack Canfield (The Secret)

Now I can understand how someone who calls themself skeptical might hear this and think it is all hogwash. I realize that it can be interpreted to mean that all you have to do is sit around and wait. It isn’t hard to see how someone can make the leap to the idea that it is the key to hopeful laziness.

I understand it a little differently. When I heard it, I immediately understood how I don’t have to see the end. I only have to see those 200 feet. I only have to live in this moment. As long as I am traveling down my path of intention, I will meet my authentic goals. We tend to move toward what we are looking at. If you look to the left, your body will veer to the left. Look to the right, and once again, you are off track. Look toward your goal, and you will reach it.

It’s a long life, and a long distance to travel. Taking a wrong exit now and then is inevitable. With faith, it isn’t hard to get back on track. Sometimes a detour breaks the monotony. It isn’t always bad to stop for a rest.

Why am I so sure this is real? When Zach and I were in Oregon, we drove to Portland. It was night, and we didn’t have a plan. We just wanted to see the big city. We never left the freeway system, and it was a Friday night, so things were hopping. I would take which ever path seemed interesting or maybe less threatening to me.

As you can imagine, it wasn’t long until I realized I was lost. I had no idea where I was or where I was heading. I just kept driving. I took three separate exits based on nothing more than intuition. I just kept driving. I just kept believing I would find my way. I saw an exit coming up, and nearly took it, but at the last minute I decided not to. Two miles later there was a road sign that said we were actually on the road back to Mt. Hood!

My life is like that. I don’t really get lost. Sometimes I look so far to one side that I actually go backwards, but I always get turned back in the right direction.

I believe. I believe that I am moving toward authenticity. I believe that someday, I will achieve my goal to make a difference. What a journey it’s been so far. I expect nothing less from the future. As a matter of fact, I expect so much more from my future, because I know I can.

No, I don’t need a scientific study to know it’s real.

Dierkies Lake

Today I went to Dierkies Lake. The weather was so Unbelievable, and the views were magnificant. I thought I would share them with you.

This is Dierkies Lake. You have to hike a little to get this view.

This is a truly unique view of the Snake River Canyon. It's well worth the hike.

I couldn't believe how still the waters were. This is one of the hidden lakes.

This is the favorite diving platform for our male youth. You won't find this place empty on a hot summer's day!

More Breathtaking views of the hidden lakes.

The deer live here!

Icy Shoreline

Ice pond

Dierkies Lake Hiding behind the trees.

Peaceful Geese on Dierkies Lake

So what did you do today?

Devine Pep Talk

I have spent the past several days questioning my ability to become the person I feel I want to become. It was quite depressing, actually. I wandered around Fred Meyers yesterday after class feeling unworthy and terrified. More than anything else, I have been feeling completely overwhelmed.

I know it must seem arrogant when I say I know something no one else seems to know. I know it is incredibly egotistical to imply that I don’t need to work all that hard to excel at what I’m doing. How condescending is it to belittle a degree earned by someone else whom I don’t feel worked hard enough? What right to I have to be that supercilious? What has made me that great?

I have been feeling scornful because of it. Success is being thrown at me, whether I see it to catch it or not. But deep down inside, I feel incredibly humbled by what has been transpiring as of late. The message is coming through loud and clear today.

My ultimate goal has always been to take this pain and make good with it. I have fallen so many times, been injured so badly, and wanted to give up so many times. I didn’t give up. Every time I fell, I stood up and walked forward. Every injury has made me stronger by showing me my ability to survive. I have never been so broken, or so hopeless that I couldn’t go on. I have gone on.

I have been directing my mental and spiritual energies in one direction. For the past 13 years I have immersed myself in the world of incredible people. People who have been so devalued by mainstream society that they are only allowed to just exist. My guess is, this is exactly where I should be focused.

Instead of questioning the ease at which this journey is progressing, I should be rejoicing in it. If my successes seem to come easy, I should be grateful to have been shown a clue that this is what I should be dong. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I should be enjoying this journey. Instead of obsessing about what will happen years from now, I should be content with what is.

I’ve been reminded again. One moment I was staring at yet another gift of money, and terrified that I would be coming to a time when it would cost me, and the next, I was staring at a face on the television telling me that it isn’t about paying, it is about focusing. It is about focusing my energy in my desire to be in a position to make a difference for people who have been disadvantaged by the circumstances of their lives, and the ignorance of the people who hold them back further.

Whether I feel I’m worthy of this task is irrelevant. I will receive the strength, the knowledge, and the resources I need to achieve this important goal. A cosmic pep talk came to me today. And at once my heart leapt with joy. If I continue to focus on the ultimate goal, I will move toward it. It doesn’t matter how and when I get there, or even if I get there. What matters is that I focus. If I look away, I will move away. “Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone on this earth were for something and against nothing?” (I didn’t catch who said that, but I can say with certainty, they were wise!)

Not only can I do this, I will do this!

Am I Wrong?

I can tell you which classroom I'd rather spend my time in. That classroom at ISU (previous post) is gross. I would also like to you bear in mind, that ISU classroom picture was taken first think in the morning, I was the first person to enter the classroom. I turned on the lights. That is how that classroom looks all the time. And it isn't just that classroom. Except for the buildings by the psub, much of the campus looks just as unkempt and dilapidated.

This picture is of a CSI lecture room. This is how the classroom looks at 6:00 p.m. People have been filing in and out of this classroom all day, and it still looks good! And the entire campus looks this good!

This kind of upkeep comes from custodial employees who take great pride in their work. The high school I used to work at looked good like this because the custodial staff really cared about the school and the students who spent their days there. Those students will also take more pride in their school when the people who work there have pride, too. Even the majority of high school students cared a little. Sure, there were the pigs, but for the most part, the kids had pride in their school and wanted it to be nice.

How much of an effect do you suppose the difference in care has in the attitudes about the teaching that happens there. Which teacher would you take more seriously? Which teachers would take themselves more seriously? I think it makes a difference.

February Showers Bring March Flowers?

I remembered to take my camera to school with me. Of course, the weather was in no mood to cooperate. The whole day has been dismal and gloomy. I took pictures of the classroom I spend most of my time in. It is a lecture room, and it really is at least as disgusting as it looks in the picture. I mean, yuk and cold. Even on the best of days it is not a comfortable, happy place to be.

We got our tests back. You remember the one, don’t you? The one I was really too tired to study for, too tired to take, and too tired to care. Well, I got an A anyway. I can’t tell you how disgusted I feel about that. If it isn’t any harder than that to pass, let alone get an A, then why doesn’t everyone have degrees? And what does it say about the people who have degrees.

I got an A just like 11 other people in the class. But most people got Cs and one person even failed! It was way easy for me to get an A, most people get Cs and these people go on to counsel people? Is that how Zach ended up on a-typical antipsychotic medications? His counselor is a C average student? That scares me. And it should.

I’ve decided statistics should be required for high school graduation. I said that to my statistics teacher and she agreed. She said she’s heard something like that might be coming soon. I hope so. That girl (you know the one, she flunked math 108 four times, then doesn’t do her homework?) said she thought it was kind of nice to let other people translate the scientific data for her. That way, she doesn’t have to expend the energy to think so hard for herself! She’s going to get that bachelors degree, folks. Shouldn’t college be hard enough to weed out the slackers? She’ll probably be president someday.

I tried to take pictures of pretty things on the way home, but since it was so cloudy and gloomy, they didn’t turn out so pretty. So, I’ll delete the ones I was so hoping to get, and post this one. This was my drive home. Yes, I was driving 78mph, yes, it was raining, yes I was glad to get home and take a nap. Now I have to go to class here in a few minutes.

Maybe I’ll get a picture of that classroom so you can get a feel of what I had come to expect from a college people would want to attend. You know, clean, like somebody cares about it. The good new is, I like this class, I feel like I'm being challenged. People can say what they like, but the teachers I've had at this little community college expect a little more from their students. I hope to have a reason to think the teachers in Poky will make me believe they do as well. Only the future will tell.

Introducing: Megan

Megan was jealous that I have pictures of Zach on my blog but not her. I just want everyone to know that NO! You cannot have her phone number! NO! I will not set you up with her! And NO! You are NOT good enough for her! She is off limits to you. All of you alien hunting, sex with an older woman searching, happy one month anniversary googlers will not be allowed to know my daughter!

I Don't Know!

I have been reading the blogs of some self called skeptics. Really what they are is hard core athiests, who think they know the truth. If you think you know the truth, then how can you call yourself skeptical? Scientists like to do that though, don't they (not all - good scientists are open minded). They firmly close their minds to the possibilities and preach their theories like they are the religion.

I am skeptical. I am skeptical of people who say they "know" anything about how and why the universe and world work. No one can "know" anything of the sort. I choose to keep an open mind and consider all of the evidence. Then I can say that I truly do know nothing more than when I started!

For instance: why did I get a sudoku puzzle a few hours ago on my blog (like I am supposed to) but not now? Where is the consistency? Where is the balance? WHERE IS THE PUZZLE? SHOW ME THE PUZZLE!!!!!!!

You scored as Agnostic. Agnostics consider the possibility that they may be wrong about God's existence, no matter which side of the fence they stand on. Always willing to objectively evaluate the most ridiculous proof, nevertheless, these guys are skeptics of the Nth degree. Agnostic 83% Spiritual Atheist 67% Apathetic Atheist 50% Theist 50% Scientific Atheist 33% Militant Atheist 33% Angry Atheist 25% What kind of atheist are you? created with QuizFarm.com

If I Were a Superhero, I Would Be:

Your results:
You are Apocalypse

Apocalypse 78% Poison Ivy 68% Mystique 64% Dr. Doom 58% Dark Phoenix 56% Magneto 55% Juggernaut 48% Catwoman 45% Venom 42% Riddler 39% The Joker 33% Mr. Freeze 32% Green Goblin 32% Two-Face 32% Lex Luthor 28% Kingpin 20%

You believe in survival of the fittest and you believe that you are the fittest.

Click here to take the "Which Super Villain am I?" quiz...

Have You Seen My Friend's Friend?

Once in a while I look on myself and wonder: Why do I do the things I do sometimes, and why do I feel this way about it? I guess I’ve spent too many years considering what is best for others over what is best for me. It’s not hard to see what events led me to this place, and I know there really is no point in criticizing my actions so severely.

I ingratiated myself to someone I used to think of as a friend so that I wouldn’t have to drive home on Monday nights. I have stayed there three times now. I’ve always know of her alcoholism, but never felt terribly affected by it. Until now.

On the three nights I’ve stayed, very little sleep was afforded me due to the late night rants about how horrible her life is. And yet, there still is a huge part of her that would still like to see me as inferior and worse off. I don’t think I’ve ever actually been that. As a matter of fact, the most self depreciating I’ve been in regard to her, is standing by her through thick and thin, even though she offers little respect for me in return.

I guess that’s why I used to think of her as a friend. At some point, I figured out that all I ever was to her was someone to look down on and feel sorry for. That way, she could feel better about herself. Most people do that, it’s called downward social comparison, and it apparently works well at helping people feel better about themselves. I think it’s insincere and cruel, but that’s me.

Last night I got out of class just before 9:00. I couldn’t do it. I drove all the way home, and was still in bed and asleep before I would have been if I’d stayed there. I felt guilty though. She’s depressed, her life is falling apart, and she needs someone to cry to. I couldn’t do it last night. I wish I could stop feeling guilty about it. There are only two more night classes left this semester that are followed by early morning classes. I don’t think I’ll stay again. I don’t want to feel guilty about it. Physician, heal thyself!

---

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I took an ab-psy test this morning. I was tired, even though I slept well. I may have been tired because I slept well. I took the test, and a few questions into it I decided I didn’t know any of it. I didn’t care. I took the test, and relied on my smarts, not my memorizing skills. We’ll see Thursday how it went. I’m still not caring, but tomorrow is another day!

After classes, I participated in a memory study. I volunteered to be their guinea pig for 4 credits. It was fun, but very taxing.

I was stressed about some of the new stuff we’re learning in stats. I don’t know why, people were freaking out about an assignment I thought was easy. What will they do when they get to this more confusing stuff?

The girl that flunked out of math 108 four times didn’t have any homework to hand in today. Why do you suppose she flunked out of math 108? Hmmmmm. (I’m evil) (and I’m done)

$70,000 Joy

I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to write something a little creative, and this is a bit of a stretch for me. This really is a rather impressive little car. I wouldn’t mind taking one out for a spin myself. Do you suppose I would be all man if I did? Kidding, really.

The morning sun bounced off the chrome of his brand new toy. He finally had one, a brand new Lexus SC 430 Luxury Convertible. He sank further into the heated, magnificently tailored, camel leather seat and gripped the espresso bird's-eye maple accent steering wheel with his left hand while caressing the gearshift in his right. His foot, heavy with excitement, pressed deep into the accelerator. The 288 horsepower v8 engine launched him down the highway.

Nickelback blasted in the 240 watt stereo system as he checked the expressions on the faces of the people he passed. They were all quite impressed. The wind tousled his thick black hair. If this wasn’t heaven, he didn’t know what was.

The black road snaked before him. He negotiated each turn with precision, the car responding to his every touch. The smoky granite paint reflected the passing flora along the road. He drove faster and faster. His heart leapt with joy.

“So, you can buy happiness, and it only sets you back $70,000!” he thought to himself. A smile crept across his face. He was master of his own universe, captain of his life. Oh, yes, he was all man now!

Unfrozen

It has been so warm this week! It feels like spring already. It was so nice today that I decided to head down to the falls. It’s a little earlier that I usually go, but it was still fun and beautiful.

I was quite surprised to see so much water coming over the falls. We have had a fairly dry winter and I just kind of assumed that they would be dry as well. The roar is always something that surprises me. I wish I could put it here. I guess I could if I had a digital camera! Maybe I’ll have to look into that.

Last year when I went, I was feeling just as frozen as all of the beautiful ice one the south side of the canyon. This year, I am flowing free, just like all of that wonderful water crashing over the giant pillars of basalt.

My life didn’t freeze up this winter. January came and went this year without as much as a whisper. Everything was grey and brown and sleeping. The snows came and went. The skies were cloudy and foreboding. It was cold and bitter. But I wasn’t.

Now I am living my life, not watching it pass me by. I am the water that is flowing down the river and out to the ocean. I am happy and content to know that I am moving in the right direction. I am free and unencumbered. I am excited to see what happens next.


But today, I saw the ice. I felt such empathy for the water that is unable to move. I desire to share with it the freedom I now have.

I am happy. I know I am where I am meant to be. As for the ice, I can only offer my deepest love and compassion. You are beautiful as you are, but I know your pain. When the time comes, you, too, will melt and become free again. When that day arrives, we will all play and splash in the sunshine - together.

In the Crapper

What can I say? I didn’t get to post last night because there wasn’t a signal to be found at my friend’s house. I stayed there last night, as I have been doing on Mondays so I don’t have to drive all the way back home, get 5 hours of sleep and drive right back. It saves me $17 in gas too! But the stay isn’t free. I was up until almost 11:00 trying to talk her off her ledge.

She’s all depressed because she thinks her marriage is in the crapper, and that she failed miserably as a mother, and that she has no worth, and that she’s ugly. I doubt that any of those things are actually true. I think that she is in a place where she isn’t fulfilling her contract with the universe. She is not living authentically and is depressed because of it. I have encouraged her to seek medical attention, it worked for me. But of course, she’s just not crazy like I was.

So, she’ll continue down this path of pain until she has actually put her whole life in the crapper. I hate so see her do it, but she just won’t hear me. I love her and I hate to see her like this. I wish she would listen. She needs an intervention, but I’m still a few years away from pulling that off, right?

We went over the stats test, and I cheated me out of an A. Forgetting 2 titles (why I can see a missing title on other graphs, but not my own is a mystery), changing a 3 point answer from the right answer to the wrong answer just before turning in the test, and not trusting my own gut cost me another 6 points. There were a couple of questions that I missed legitimately because I didn’t get what she was after. I got 87% instead of a 99% which is inexcusable. I need to trust my gut more and pay attention to the details. Dang! Luckily, I still have a 90% in the class. This is not a hard class, and I need to quit trying to make it so.

The psych department is currently recruiting new teachers. Today we had our second guest teacher. I didn’t like her. In her opening she outed herself when she discussed her reaction to seeing a person she believed may have had schizophrenia as one of fear and cowardice, and ended her talk by preaching to us that people who have schizophrenia are not schizophrenics any more than people who have cancer are cancerics. I agree with that notion. I don’t agree with exiting a bus two stops early because of my own prejudice against people who behave differently in public. (The person she described could just as easily been a person with autism.) She’s lucky I don’t do the hiring.

The sexual abuse class on Monday nights seems to be going absolutely nowhere. He keeps giving us information about depression, anger, schizophrenia and antisocial personality disorder, but so far has done nothing to tie them into the sexual abuse of people. Maybe just a little patience is all that is needed. I hope so, I have some left.

So how is all of that for being critical and negative? I want my Megan. I always miss her so much after the Mon/Tue class trip. She’ll probably be by tomorrow. Tonight I am going to try to get the soc. psy. reading done so I won’t have any homework to do tomorrow. I guess I still have a little ab. psy. reading to do as well. But if she comes over tomorrow, I definitely want to “hang towels” with her. Everything will be all better then.

ps Microsoft Word really likes the word and. I already went back to change a couple of them, but I'm tired, so I'm sure I missed some.

Catastrophe Averted

Our Stat test scores were posted today. I don't remember what the test was worth, but I scored high enough to Avert the Catastrophe. In other words, I still have an A in the class.

I spent most of the day reading about schizophrenia. I don't have it. Neither do most stalkers. But some do. Just not that many. The author of the book claims that early on, scientists thought that cold and unavailable mothers were the cause of their children's schizophrenia. I thought that was interesting, so I looked up what he had to say about autism. He says autism was caused by refrigerator parents. Now, I happen to know that Bruno Bettelheim coined the term "refrigerator mothers" as the cause of autism, not refrigerator parents. Leo Kanner suspected the cold and unavailable mothers as causing it when he first came up with the idea of autism. Luckily, Bernard Rimland put those ideas to rest.

My point here is, why would the author of this textbook make such an error? and how many more errors are there in this book that I wouldn't catch? When an author makes a mistake like that, it calls into question all of their work, don't you think? (I consider that to be a fairly big error - but that's just me)

My brother's team won today. Yeah for him. It was just another boring game for me, I don't care for either team.

I'm done with my homework, so tomorrow I will do my laundry.

This posting everyday is quite easy with this laptop. I can post while watching Criminal Minds on tv. Fun for me, boring for you poor saps unlucky enough to think you should read this drivel.

I would really like to apologize for the post about the big things I found on my vacation. It was neither timely, nor interesting. Sorry.

A Graduate Degree

This is actually an assignement I turned in today. I thought it would make a good post.

When I first decided to go back to school and get my degree, my most immediate and urgent goal was to just get my bachelors degree. I had been employed with the Twin Falls School District for 13 years, and still held a job at the bottom of the ladder with no opportunity for advancement (no degree-no advancement). I knew a bachelor’s degree would be the only path to growth opportunities.

Once I actually started attending classes, my ambitions began to gravitate toward a more prestigious goal. Few members of my family graduated from high school, let alone earned a PhD in anything. More than that, however, I feel that I have been led down a path that has opened my eyes to things most people don’t even think about. I have more to offer than just therapy. I would love to be a part of a team that makes positive changes for the people I have loved working with.

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With every day that passes, my desire to get into and finish graduate school gets stronger. I know I already possess many of the qualities necessary to excel in a graduate program. Learning about statistics and tests and measurements is one area I need to work on. I have read scientific studies, and tried to make sense out of them, but without the necessary mathematical background, it can be difficult, and I usually have to rely on someone else’s interpretation of the data. I look forward to making my own interpretations.

I have never participated in any formal studies, and I will need to learn as much as I can about how to do them successfully and meaningfully. I have already learned a great deal about what makes a study meaningful, and whether the study is one that causal inferences can be made and whether the study was done is such a way that the findings can be generalized from the sample to the population. It is a subject I find extremely intriguing and I really look forward to learning as much as I possibly can.

I will also need to find a way to become more familiar with the faculty in the Psychology department. Time constraints seem to be a serious factor, and I will have to find a way to get around them if I am going to be successful. I am still trying to find my way around the ISU campus as well. Traveling from Twin Falls is another obstacle that I will have to overcome. I do feel a little lost right now, but I know I will find my way. I just need to figure out who can help me get where I want to go, then actually ask them for help.

It all seems a little overwhelming when taken as a whole. I have accomplished a lot of great things in my life, and I know this is just on more challenge that I will successfully meet. I am just taking this one day at a time, but I am trying to make sure I am covering all of my bases so that any and all opportunities can be explored.

Big Foot, Big slug, Big tree.

A couple of years ago, Zach and I went on a two week Vacation through Oregon and Northern California. While we were there, we came upon some amazing creatures, all very large. I hadn't seen things like these before, so, of course, I took pictures.

I don't really remember taking this picture. I have a vague recollection of being curious about what that was in the forest, just out of reach. I probably watched it for a while, and, when it didn't move, took the picture and moved on.

When I got home, I looked through my pictures and oh, my, gosh! I have to say, it really looks like big foot, don't you think? Even printed out and enlarged, it looks like big foot. Actually, when it is blown up as big as you can get it without being distorted by too much pixel distortion, it looks like it has a face and is carrying something, like a baby.



Come on, you have to admit that it really does look like big foot. If I had known at the time I took this picture that it would look so much like Bigfoot, I would have found a way across the creek to find out what it really was. As I look at this picture now, I wish I could walk over and see what it is.

I didn't walk away thinking it was big foot at the time. But if I had been clever enough, I could have made a little money off of it by selling it to the tabloids. I can see the headlines now. "Big Foot Spotted at Still Creek Carrying Big Foot Infant" Oh well, it would have been fun. But I missed the opportunity.

I couldn't believe how big the slugs were at the campsite we stayed at near Crescent City California. The mice couldn't compete with this slimy hippo. They were kind of cool though. This little guy was hanging out near a water source, so I grabbed him and set up this photo. I tried to get Zach to sit behind it and act like he was screaming because it was going to eat him, but he wasn't in the mood. I think he was 17 at the time. You know how 17 year olds can be.



Even the trees were larger than life. Some of them had been involved in Forest fires that hollowed them out at the bottom. A person could definitely find shelter in them.

Everything about that vacation was larger than life. Zach and I went rounds, then got along really well, then we'd go rounds again. Going on vacation with Zach is always interesting. I didn't go on this vacation alone, but there were definitely times when I felt alone.

Troubles, or no, it was so much fun, and I wouldn't have traded it for the world. Someday, when I'm better educated and making more money, I will go on more of these vacations. One of my teachers keeps saying that it should be a law that every person get out of Idaho for at least two weeks every year. He even says it should be more than just crossing one border too. I agree with him.

It sounds pretty good, don't you think?

TGIMF

(thank god it's my friday)

Zach is going to kill me. It's been a long time since I accused him of trying. The last time I said something like that the woman just about fell over in horror. No, he isn't literally trying to kill me. It just feels like it because he insists on picking Wednesday night/Thursday morning to pace and make noise and keep me up until 2:30 in the morning. It's bad because Thursday is the longest day of the week. I leave at 6:00 a.m. to get to class in Poky by 8:00, stay in classes until 12:30, then be home by 2:00 so I can hurry and get my homework done for night class here. It's hard to do on enough sleep. Without the sleep, it's torture.

No, he isn't going to kill me. But my stats test results might. I think it may be worse than a bomb, it might even be a catastrophe! No, c's are not our friends.

Good night, John Boy!