Update

So I've been putting off the self matters critical choices work because I'm in the middle of making a critical choice! That's right, and it's a biggie! And when it finally came to me, I knew it was right! I have felt so good since I realized where my path is to head, I haven't felt this good in such a long time! I don't know who actually reads this blog, so I am going to wait for the next three months to pass before publishing my decision. I will explain why then too.

Some of my choices I can talk about. I've decided to get back into my great running shape again! It's been a little painful at times, but it will definitely be worth it! I am starting to remember what it felt like to be strong and unstoppable.

And the good news doesn't stop there! I might actually have some new climbing partners! That's right! I actually got to go climbing this weekend, and I had so much fun! I really did miss climbing, and the people I climbed with were actually kind and courteous. Well, for now anyway - Dale was nice in the beginning too.

So my arms are sore, and my ankles are angry, but my heart is joyful. The emptiness has been filled and hope has found me again. Finding my purpose, what could be better?

100th Post!

Wow! I can't believe I have actually made 100 posts already. It has almost been a year, and I have spent the day reading my 100 posts and changing the look of my blog. A bit of a theme emerged in my reading. There must be 5-6 posts where I give a great deal of lip service to actually getting out there and living my life! I still haven't got to that place yet.

I posted a blog where I complained my job was no longer fulfilling me and that I was cruely pushing this anger onto and innocent. It turns out, she is not the innocent. In fact, not only is she not an innocent, she is actually quite abusive, not just to me but to many. Just another insight I gained from my break-up with Dale.

I have managed to cast off minutia this year, and while that has left more time to live, I have yet to decide how that should be done. I wrote about what not to do during this time, yet I almost got myself stuck in a relationship that would have imprisoned me anyway. So I started the work in the Self Matters book that has been laying around for a while. I hope to have the courage soon to get out there and live my life.

I have posted my art, an addition I am really excited about. It's all starting to get archived now, though, so I am posting it here so It wont get lost. My Eye is one that shows up on my profile, but I dedided to include it here anyway. It is one of my most favorite of my drawings. I posted my two oil paintings; Summer Eagles, and Oil Grapes. I have several charcoals I liked; My Alien?, Bouquet, The Wolf, Charcoal Shells, My Hand, and Pumpkin. I even have some pastels to share; Fallen Vessel, and Pastel Shells. Then I took some pictures this summer that I am fond of; Sunrise at Castle Rock, Pine Buds, Pretty Evergreen, The Ent, Pretty Flowers, Pretty Purple Pine Buds on Cache Peak, and Cache Peak.

I usually think that a lot of my journaling posts are generally dull, but there are some posts that are more prose. My favorites are: Hide-and-Seek, a composition about finding meaning in myself; January, the coldest and most difficult month of the year for me; Depression, a familiar place for me; and, Grief, the ache of breaking up with "the one".

Not everything in my blog is that depressing. I do have some fun! Cosmic Fan was a post I wrote when I was very happy. I had so much fun writing it, and I think that comes through to the reader. I was suprised to see I only had five soap box pieces Autism: Does treatment change the individual? Knotts Berry Funk Politically Correct Synchronicity The Bachelor. Usually I am more opinionated than that, at least that's what I'm told! My history is out there for everyone to see now. Self matters writing exposes me nearly completely! And there's more to come with that too! Oh yipee, I can hardly wait!

It has been a bit of a roller coaster ride for me. This blog's one year anniversary is comming up, so I will be writing a list of goals and guidelines that I do intend to heed during the next year. I suppose in the end, it's all good.

All Dried Up

So, this is all that's left in the fall. Upstream, the irrigators have taken "their" share of the water. While it's true that the Magic Valley wouldn't be what it is today without the canal system, it sure puts a sad face on one of the most beautiful places in the world.

It looks a lot like I feel.

The water that flows is but a reminder of what was.

The water that falls is a hope of what might come.

The water no longer wets and softens what is hard.

It is hot and dry now. The sun's visits get shorter each day, and each day the sun travels farther south.

Soon, the snows will fall and freeze the water to the rock. But while there is yet enough sun to move, the water, what there is left, will flow freely. The water that was stolen has nourished yet another year's worth of crops, and soon the dirt that supported them will rest.

These waters have claimed three young lives this summer, leaving so many to mourn. Yet, many more were thrilled by their immense power. Some day I will leave this place, and I will miss these waters. Will they miss me?